My days have been full of uncertainty about many things. My attempt to fast ( a money fast) had been failing. Things were looking bleak and then they looked as though they could get worse than ever.
Above every thing else that I was trying to do , but could not do successfully , hovered this horrible awful fear.
There had been assigned to me , by a person , to do a task. I knew he was right to assign this task to me but every time I tried to do it, I was afraid. A horrible , horrible fear would grip me .
I began dreading the next time I would have to do this task.
The dread of knowing I was going to have to do this task , coming up, even the next day, would ruin the very day I was thinking about it.
No wonder my joy was beginning to slip a way from me. It has been a horrible 3 or 4 weeks.
I can not remember exactly when this started , but it was only getting worse and worse.
Finally I decided fear was a sin and I was going to start confessing my sin to God. While I was at it I decided I'd confess all kinds of other sins too.
The hard part about confessing a sin to God is that it must be done humbly. I must admit that all sin can only be blotted out by His Son's blood and that I myself can not remove my sin for Him.
I know my parents meant well when they taught me to be sorry for something I did wrong. This is how most situations were addressed. "Are you sorry ?" "Yes" "Are you going to do it again ?" "No."
So what I learned about being sorry was , don't do it again. But with God it is not be sorry , don't do it again , in your power. It is be sorry and don't do it again in His power.
Even better is receive His grace for having done the sin , He has forgiven me.
That means the fear I have while riding in the passenger seat as my daughter learns to drive. Some times fear is healthy. What if I become so calm that I forget she still is learning to drive so I don't look to see if she has noticed the up coming stop light ?
However, this miserable existence that I had made for myself had to stop.
Finally I said to the LORD, "I know I should not be afraid. I know that it is a sin. I know that I have asked You to take this sin away. "
Then I thought about what really was making me so miserable. It wasn't the fear. It wasn't the list of things that I felt I should do but just couldn't do. It was that I was pulling back from Him. I was projecting that He should be waiting for me to say , "I'm sorry and I won't do it again." He was not doing that , this was my projected opinion of how a righteous and just God would be responding to my mess.
I told Him that I wanted to praise Him. I did not ask Him if it was alright. I just decided that He was worthy, is worthy and would always be worthy of my praise.
I know to obey is better than sacrifice. However, since I can not obey , I will continue to try , I will praise Him. He is still doing great . It is me with all the mess.
I will praise Him when I remember that I have to ride in the car with my daughter.
I will praise Him when I remember how much I dread it and how afraid I am.
I will praise Him when I am not sure if I am going to be able to stick to the money fast.
I will praise Him when the list of I shoulds don't get done today.
He is still doing a great job. I praise Him for creating the heavens and the earth. I praise Him for loving me. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart to see His light. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart and giving me power to turn away from the power of Satan. I praise Him for His river of forgiveness that runs beautiful and deep for me to drink of. I praise Him for the inheritance that I have along with all the saints who are sanctified by their faith in Him.
Also I have decided to read Psalm 91 at least once a day.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Praying God's Word
When I ask the Holy Spirit where am I in the word , the answers make sense to me. Not because it is theologically correct or going to line up with any one's (even my own) ideas about what the Spirit is really saying in these passages.
However, this is where my joy in the Holy Ghost comes from. These passages of scripture come to me and day after day I see them as a light unto my path. A very great help in time of need.
My greatest need , He cares about. When I hear the Spirit's comforting words I am caught up in Him.
Isaiah 42: 5-7 Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein: I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, [and] them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.
The above verses are the vision statement for the church I attend.
However, this is where my joy in the Holy Ghost comes from. These passages of scripture come to me and day after day I see them as a light unto my path. A very great help in time of need.
My greatest need , He cares about. When I hear the Spirit's comforting words I am caught up in Him.
Isaiah 42: 5-7 Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein: I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, [and] them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.
The above verses are the vision statement for the church I attend.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
He 's Alive
There were two men in shiny garments who spoke to the women who had come into the sepulchre where they thought Jesus would lay. Luke 24:5 And as they were afraid, and bowed down [their] faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead?
"Why seek ye the living among the dead ?" What a question to ask women who were in mourning.
"Why seek ye the living among the dead ? "It made perfect sense to the two men in shiny garments.
I hope you understand I am trying to get my own word of testimony spread out here so I can live it.
I want to not seek the living among the dead any more.
These last days have produced for me a confidence that I am not to be of this world , just in it.
So people of the world seek the living among the dead. Until they are asked , "why are you doing that ?"
I have been trying to get a clear picture of what it looks like to live in the world but not be of the world. At the same time remember that it is with the power of the Holy Spirit that I want to turn away from being of the world. With a spirit of love, power and a sound mind.
I am currently reading the story of The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis. The allegorical story portrays someone who became obsessed with vengeance for his mother's death. While acting on this obsession he is trapped by an enchantment and loses all his freedom. As the story unfolds two children are sent to set him free. It is alright to accept help and Puddleglum agrees to go with them.
I think it is interesting that the way Prince Rilan handled his grief for his mother's death had something to do with his getting caught by the temptress.
I think it is a wonderful story and I hope it is a God blessed creation. Mainly because the called to be heroes keep messing up. Yet they are able at the last to do what they have been sent to do and help Prince Rilan be set free. Also these children were willing to do things in a totally different way than those of the world had done before them. They had some instruction of course .
"Why seek ye the living among the dead ?" What a question to ask women who were in mourning.
"Why seek ye the living among the dead ? "It made perfect sense to the two men in shiny garments.
I hope you understand I am trying to get my own word of testimony spread out here so I can live it.
I want to not seek the living among the dead any more.
These last days have produced for me a confidence that I am not to be of this world , just in it.
So people of the world seek the living among the dead. Until they are asked , "why are you doing that ?"
I have been trying to get a clear picture of what it looks like to live in the world but not be of the world. At the same time remember that it is with the power of the Holy Spirit that I want to turn away from being of the world. With a spirit of love, power and a sound mind.
I am currently reading the story of The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis. The allegorical story portrays someone who became obsessed with vengeance for his mother's death. While acting on this obsession he is trapped by an enchantment and loses all his freedom. As the story unfolds two children are sent to set him free. It is alright to accept help and Puddleglum agrees to go with them.
I think it is interesting that the way Prince Rilan handled his grief for his mother's death had something to do with his getting caught by the temptress.
I think it is a wonderful story and I hope it is a God blessed creation. Mainly because the called to be heroes keep messing up. Yet they are able at the last to do what they have been sent to do and help Prince Rilan be set free. Also these children were willing to do things in a totally different way than those of the world had done before them. They had some instruction of course .
Friday, August 28, 2009
There will be showers of blessing
Acts 3:19 Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;
There is an old song that goes : There will be showers of blessing , showers of blessing we need, mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead.
I realize that fast is not always best. Although I know I stand before the Father covered with the righteousness of Jesus , I want the conversion experience. I want to be converted from a person who is no longer is resentful , bitter , unforgiving , rebellious , withdrawing from God and unbelieving .
I am looking forward to a time of refreshing. When I thank Him for His grace and mercy He blesses me with His presence. Learning who I am in Christ Jesus has broken down a barrier for me that otherwise would keep me thinking that being in His presence is to good for me.
So I've learned to experience what is my inheritance.
I have learned that this inheritance is not to be squandered.
This does not mean that it is okay to withdraw from God until I see evidence that I am now no longer a resentful , bitter , unforgiving , rebellious person . No , because the "just shall live by faith." However, faith is the evidence of things not seen . So if I continue to see evidence of resentment , (and so forth) I better recount my conversion experience. Some thing's gone array.
Number one question I am going to ask myself is : Was it by the power of the Holy Spirit that I turned from resentment , bitterness , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw ? Or was it by my own power ?
My Pastor used such a good analogy this past Sunday. It has stuck with me all week as I've been dealing with this sin problem that crept back into my life .
The analogy was of how he had taught his daughter to learn to float on water. To save time I won't go into all the details but the point was , floating was possible. He just had to insist that she stick with trying it until she did it.
Because I can make a good resemblance of not having sin in my life with very little power from the Holy Spirit , even I may think I am floating as it were , when I am not. Not until something comes up that makes it hard to stay on top do I realize I am sinking like a rock.
What do I do then ? Well, I think you already have the picture .
I praise God for mercy drops falling a round me, but for the showers I plead.
There is an old song that goes : There will be showers of blessing , showers of blessing we need, mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead.
I realize that fast is not always best. Although I know I stand before the Father covered with the righteousness of Jesus , I want the conversion experience. I want to be converted from a person who is no longer is resentful , bitter , unforgiving , rebellious , withdrawing from God and unbelieving .
I am looking forward to a time of refreshing. When I thank Him for His grace and mercy He blesses me with His presence. Learning who I am in Christ Jesus has broken down a barrier for me that otherwise would keep me thinking that being in His presence is to good for me.
So I've learned to experience what is my inheritance.
I have learned that this inheritance is not to be squandered.
This does not mean that it is okay to withdraw from God until I see evidence that I am now no longer a resentful , bitter , unforgiving , rebellious person . No , because the "just shall live by faith." However, faith is the evidence of things not seen . So if I continue to see evidence of resentment , (and so forth) I better recount my conversion experience. Some thing's gone array.
Number one question I am going to ask myself is : Was it by the power of the Holy Spirit that I turned from resentment , bitterness , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw ? Or was it by my own power ?
My Pastor used such a good analogy this past Sunday. It has stuck with me all week as I've been dealing with this sin problem that crept back into my life .
The analogy was of how he had taught his daughter to learn to float on water. To save time I won't go into all the details but the point was , floating was possible. He just had to insist that she stick with trying it until she did it.
Because I can make a good resemblance of not having sin in my life with very little power from the Holy Spirit , even I may think I am floating as it were , when I am not. Not until something comes up that makes it hard to stay on top do I realize I am sinking like a rock.
What do I do then ? Well, I think you already have the picture .
I praise God for mercy drops falling a round me, but for the showers I plead.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Drink of this Water
Acts 26 verses 16 and 17 Jesus tells Paul he is being sent ;
Acts 26:18 To open their eyes, [and] to turn [them] from darkness to light, and [from] the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.
Before Jesus told Paul to do this , Paul's eyes were opened, he turned from darkness to light. Paul turned from the power of Satan and turned to the power of God. Paul received forgiveness of sins. Paul also accepted that he would be given an inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith in the LORD Jesus Christ.
Paul drank the water.
I picture forgiveness of our sins as a clear beautiful stream of water that flows near enough for us to see. However just seeing it is not enough. Turning away from the darkness to light , turning away from the power of Satan unto the power of God can happen because my eyes are open. I can turn away from bitterness , resentment , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw .
I can turn away from those things unto the power of God.
I can receive forgiveness for my sins of bitterness , resentment , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw .
I can and I do by the power of God , the love of God and with the sound mind that God has given me. I do these things and more.
I receive who I am in Christ Jesus . I am in that great group of people who are being sanctified by faith in the LORD Jesus Christ . We have an inheritance that we will not squander. We accept that all that is in our father's house is ours. He loves us and we love Him. We do not work in the field because we have to earn his approval. We are there because we love Him.
I know you have heard this before . This is and was and will be my testimony everyday I live in Christ Jesus. An other life style is not living it is existing .
Living a new life style is sometimes hard to stick with . The old ways start creeping in and instead of turning from them , they seem to turn me.
In the power of His name I can do all things. I can stop resentment , bitterness , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw from turning me. I can turn away from them and go drink of the water of forgiveness , today.
Acts 26:18 To open their eyes, [and] to turn [them] from darkness to light, and [from] the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.
Before Jesus told Paul to do this , Paul's eyes were opened, he turned from darkness to light. Paul turned from the power of Satan and turned to the power of God. Paul received forgiveness of sins. Paul also accepted that he would be given an inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith in the LORD Jesus Christ.
Paul drank the water.
I picture forgiveness of our sins as a clear beautiful stream of water that flows near enough for us to see. However just seeing it is not enough. Turning away from the darkness to light , turning away from the power of Satan unto the power of God can happen because my eyes are open. I can turn away from bitterness , resentment , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw .
I can turn away from those things unto the power of God.
I can receive forgiveness for my sins of bitterness , resentment , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw .
I can and I do by the power of God , the love of God and with the sound mind that God has given me. I do these things and more.
I receive who I am in Christ Jesus . I am in that great group of people who are being sanctified by faith in the LORD Jesus Christ . We have an inheritance that we will not squander. We accept that all that is in our father's house is ours. He loves us and we love Him. We do not work in the field because we have to earn his approval. We are there because we love Him.
I know you have heard this before . This is and was and will be my testimony everyday I live in Christ Jesus. An other life style is not living it is existing .
Living a new life style is sometimes hard to stick with . The old ways start creeping in and instead of turning from them , they seem to turn me.
In the power of His name I can do all things. I can stop resentment , bitterness , unforgiveness , rebellion and withdraw from turning me. I can turn away from them and go drink of the water of forgiveness , today.
Monday, August 10, 2009
By Jove, I think I got it !
When I think about what kinds of situations are going on in my life , I often find a testimony. Somehow a rumor got started that things always come in threes. I don't know about that, how ever I have been amazed how I can find something in common with my biggest problems . Sometimes just realizing the common denominator as it were is the very thing that helps me take the problems to God and He fixes them. Also , the log and speck theory works well for me. If someone is bugging me, do I have a log in my eye that kind of looks like their speck ? Sure enough , and am I willing to go to the throne room of grace and receive grace and help in time of need ? Only then can I give the grace to that person who has a little bitty speck that looks like my log.
I have noticed every time I want to do something for the LORD it requires His strength . Before He gives His strength it seems He wants me to receive His grace for my weaknesses .
I like the way He has everything planned out. He is so wise.
You may find this hard to believe but I have been in the mullygrubs because there are some people I care about that just don't seem to "get it!" No, I am not going to tell you what "it " is , only that " it " represents something I see about their lives that they just don't .
I was getting tired of these mullygrubs. Not much fun and it has definitely been quenching the Spirit thus a lack of Word of Testimony. As I was sitting and meditating yesterday morning before church I thought about what we are studying in 2 Corth. Wasn't Paul kind of having the same kind of problem ? These people just didn't get it. Oh, but they thought they did get it and that Paul was the one who was crazy. Somehow I began to feel a whole lot better.
You know how Paul said, "Rejoice in the LORD always and again I say , rejoice." Well, I think he meant to say that to me. I also think there could not have been a better time in the world for my pastor to teach on 2 Corth. 8:16-24. Those words he spoke to me yesterday just brought me alive again.
The main scripture and my word of testimony for today is : 2 Corth.8:16 But thanks be to God who puts the same earnestness on your behalf in the heart of Titus.
I am thanking God that He puts earnestness in hearts of people like my pastor. I am thanking God for the many Titus' in the body of Christ that there are. I am thanking God for messengers who minister or serve for the glory of God.
I am thanking God that I finally "got it", something I am sure others might of seen but I could not for some reason. I "got it " now .
I have noticed every time I want to do something for the LORD it requires His strength . Before He gives His strength it seems He wants me to receive His grace for my weaknesses .
I like the way He has everything planned out. He is so wise.
You may find this hard to believe but I have been in the mullygrubs because there are some people I care about that just don't seem to "get it!" No, I am not going to tell you what "it " is , only that " it " represents something I see about their lives that they just don't .
I was getting tired of these mullygrubs. Not much fun and it has definitely been quenching the Spirit thus a lack of Word of Testimony. As I was sitting and meditating yesterday morning before church I thought about what we are studying in 2 Corth. Wasn't Paul kind of having the same kind of problem ? These people just didn't get it. Oh, but they thought they did get it and that Paul was the one who was crazy. Somehow I began to feel a whole lot better.
You know how Paul said, "Rejoice in the LORD always and again I say , rejoice." Well, I think he meant to say that to me. I also think there could not have been a better time in the world for my pastor to teach on 2 Corth. 8:16-24. Those words he spoke to me yesterday just brought me alive again.
The main scripture and my word of testimony for today is : 2 Corth.8:16 But thanks be to God who puts the same earnestness on your behalf in the heart of Titus.
I am thanking God that He puts earnestness in hearts of people like my pastor. I am thanking God for the many Titus' in the body of Christ that there are. I am thanking God for messengers who minister or serve for the glory of God.
I am thanking God that I finally "got it", something I am sure others might of seen but I could not for some reason. I "got it " now .
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Word of My Testimony
From the very beginning of my life I was made to know that a God existed. This God that I was taught about is not like the God I know today. I believe that I am in a process of knowing the Creator of the Universe , His Father and the Holy Spirit. People sometimes marvel when I tell them that I am most grateful for the parents God chose for me to raised by. My testimony is sincere. I was raised by parents who believed God wanted us to know Him. This "know Him" to them meant the kind of "knowing" one would get from being around Him. He was always there I was told. We were to walk with Him, talk with Him, invite Him into our hearts ( a concept I really did not get until I became an adult ), please Him ( by obeying my parents ) to name a few of the lessons I remember from my youth.
The walk with Him and talk with Him never left me. This belief has been the thread that has pulled me through my whole life.
Rev 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
I became aware that there was an opposing force that did not want me to know God, nor walk with Him or talk with Him. I think that force began working at trying to hinder my quest even at the moment I was conceived. I however have taken a great interest in learning how to overcome that force. Here in Rev 12:11 I read a truth.
The walk with Him and talk with Him never left me. This belief has been the thread that has pulled me through my whole life.
Rev 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
I became aware that there was an opposing force that did not want me to know God, nor walk with Him or talk with Him. I think that force began working at trying to hinder my quest even at the moment I was conceived. I however have taken a great interest in learning how to overcome that force. Here in Rev 12:11 I read a truth.
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