I Live By Faith

Who am I ? A house cleaner , a mother , a church attender , a .......................
The list could go on and on. As a person who once placed their self worth on doing things right , I realize how I had lost my identity. I could not tell you what I really liked to do. I couldn't see my self , by my self . Every attempt to view the real me was always based on the projection of how others viewed me and that would be what "job" they thought I was. To tell you what I really liked to do was based on what I thought would help me do my job better .

Then the light came on and I began to see all this as making myself a self made idol. How well I cleaned a house , how well my children did , how much I knew about God , .......................... was in fact what I wanted people to see , and I wanted very much for it to be good.

Fortunately for me , the light in my life has come gradually. For every bit of light , I have been given opportunity to walk in it , then more light was given . So my journey did not start yesterday. With my word of testimony I talk about the light I have to walk in to today.

Sometimes it seems as if I am being asked to walk through a room that has barely enough light to help me navigate around couches, big chairs and little foot stools. Still I want to try. Every time I try , even when I make mistakes, or fall down, I learn that the God I serve is glorified .
He would rather I took the talent He has given me and do something , rather than nothing.

What began as a desire to be in right relationship with the Holy Spirit has brought me to the place that I am this morning. I talk about following the Spirit , and I do, by faith I do. As Romans 8 tells all who believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God can choose to follow the Spirit.
What about my relationship with this Spirit ? What is it suppose to be like ? ( I still have this desire to have it right , but God's way, not my own.)

All of these words of testimony lead to live my life God's way. I sense that His Way is not to serve Him as others serve other gods. He wants connection , He wants love , He wants to be my only God .

At times I would pray this prayer. Heavenly Father , I ask that You would help me to not grieve the Holy Spirit , or quench the Holy Spirit , or deny the power of the Holy Spirit , or lie to the Holy Spirit . In Jesus name I ask Amen.

These four things I found in the Bible to not do. The "to do " I think is found in this passage . Once again I remind myself that it is better to try to walk in the light rather than sit and do nothing because I am afraid that I won't do it "right".

The word of my testimony today is Gal 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

His Banner

I feel so released from a lie that the enemy had told me ! Truth has power ! It is worth the time it takes to seek the truth ! Truth that it is revealed by the Holy Spirit comes not from man a lone. It may be the good news that man brings but it is the Holy Spirit that brings that news to light and gives it the power to set captives free.

While a light burning can become brighter and brighter , truth can become more powerful as I let the Holy Spirit have it to make real to me. It is God's desire that I glorify Him. It is the enemies desire that I don't . He uses many tactics to accomplish his goal. My King and LORD uses many ways to show me the enemy is defeated, under the feet of my LORD.
The choice is mine , every day . If I choose to give God glory , so be it. When I choose to give God glory I am saying in my heart , "I believe that God can bring His glory forth through me. I will not hide. I will believe. "

One tactic the enemy has wanted to use to convince me to hide , has been shame. Once again I am faced with the opinion of man , that a lot of times agrees with the opinion of the enemy , instead of God the creator of heaven and earth.

Since this new light has begun to come on in my life and reveal the truth about shame , I have been amazed at how accustomed I had been to accepting shame.
The other day some one was telling a real life story about his self. He stated " I don't think I should tell this. " After he was done, I agreed , "I don't think you should have told that." Just why did I say that ?

Because of shame. It has become a customary thing to not talk about mistakes or sins because of shame. Even as a God fearing , Bible believing Christian , who has been redeemed by the blood of Jesus , I hesitate to let my brothers and sisters say what they will , because of shame.

This is because even when Truth becomes real , the enemy doesn't stop. He wants to quench this fire light , not let it get brighter. So I have to practice believing. I have to learn to think new thoughts and learn to act on what I believe.

For some reason I have felt like I need to put a banner up in front of my house. Like a flag of the United States that is put in front of a building showing those inside are citizens of the US. I feel like I need to show a banner saying , "I am redeemed. "

I am not sure I will find an exact scripture to support this , but I found one that shows Jesus desires to declare a statement over me with a banner. He desires to seat me at a banqueting table and a banner over me would say "LOVE" .

My word of testimony today is Sgs. 2:4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me [was] love.

Redemption for Shame

My word of testimony today is Ps 107:2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say [so], whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;

I am learning to enjoy the benefits that God has given me. I feel sure this is what He wants me to do. I base that feeling on the knowledge that it cost Him a lot to give these benefits to me. He is glorified when I receive what He paid such a great price for. He is exalted by the glory that is revealed by the benefit that I am able to receive.

My word of testimony today is a new practice of mine. After so many years of believing that I should be ashamed, it is taking practice to believe that I should not. As I read Ps 107 I can almost hear the conversation and the admonishment of the LORD , do not be ashamed !
I hear, "You did this, got you in trouble, you cried out to the LORD, He heard you and delivered you out of your trouble, because you are His redeemed ! "

The redeemed should not be ashamed ! The redeemed are His , those He responds to when they call up0n Him. What a blessing to be His !

Do I want to stop being an idolater ? Do I want to stop wanting others to idolize me ? Yes , I do.

Am I glad that when I realize I have gotten myself into a bad place because of my sinful life style that I can call upon Him and He will deliver me out of my distresses ? Yes , I am. One more thing let me add on to being glad about. I do not have to be ashamed.

Bless Me

My word of testimony today is Gen 28:12 And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.

When I read the story around this event in the Bible I find that God took the time to give Jacob confirmation that if He would be Jacob's God that He would bless him.

As I want God to be my only God I think that I also am blessed. Every time the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, becomes brighter, I look up to God and say , "thank you." It is just such a different life than I use to live. Freedom is way to describe it. I once was bound to man's opinion and what man wanted me to do. I now can enjoy the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Freedom , joy , peace, now I have a life. Now I really live.

I am not sure why I was drawn to read about Jacob's ladder today. Maybe it was to remind me that I have found the Way to God and I do not have to ask to be blessed. I am blessed. All that the Father has is mine , all my needs , and all that I desire , right there for me to enjoy.

Every day He confirms to my heart that I am blessed. Since I live for His glory all that I desire is that, all that I have bless Him and glorify His name.

Truth In Love

Gal 5:26 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

My word of testimony today is that I am Christ's and I am learning to crucify the flesh with its passions and desires. I know why Paul felt it important to give this instruction to the Galatians. If the Galatians were so bent towards doing things "right" (like me) then the pride that immediately follows from doing something "right" always pops up, (if they were like me.) That is why it is so important to me to do things in love. I am tired of doing things "right" only to find out that it is hay, wood and stubble to God. I would rather have something I do take a long time and it truly be a manifestation of the fruit of love. Surely a good work that is done in this way will be profitable to the kingdom of God. He has had enough hay , wood and stubble from me. I hope with all my heart to bring Him some gold.

The truth that has been worked into my life with love , brings forth the fruit I have always wanted. God's love plants the seeds. God's love waters the seeds. God's love brings forth the increase. Anyone that has a desire for God also has a desire for more of God. Like any relationship it can grow in the direction of my desire.

Envy might be a tempter towards idolatry. I found myself envious of other's who have nice hair dos the other day. I began to think, "Surely being ugly for Jesus ," is not right. I must have a nicer hair do. Then I remembered ," man looks at the outward appearance , but God looks at the heart." That is all good and fine but what if God is not helping other people see my heart ? Then I thought , "Lord, let me see what You would see. "

I love His truth in love.

He sees a heart that wants Him to be it's only God. To worship Him and serve Him only. He sees a heart that longs to praise Him in everything I do. He sees a heart that is uncomfortable with pride and resists the temptation to pull away from Him even when I sin. He sees my bad hair day in my heart and today He sees me say , "I don't care." "I throw down that fleshly idol. I remove it from my heart."

His Glory

My word of testimony today is 2 Cr 4: 17 & 18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

For many years I had this scripture written out and placed where I could see it first thing every morning. I remember getting up every day, reading this scripture, going through my day , and constantly looking forward to night again , so I could sleep and escape my miserable life. Before I would close my eyes I would pray that perhaps I would have a good dream and thus have some happiness in my life. When I talk about depression now , I talk about it as one who had spent time in prison. The memories are not pleasant but I am glad that I do not forget.

Every now and then , usually at least one time a day , I look up and smile at God and say, "thank you, I just felt happy, thank you so much." The truth I share as my word of testimony today is that God's word does not return void. Even though I did not feel happy , I did not feel joy except in brief encounters of His presence , I did not have any evidence that what I felt was making me miserable would change, there was a weight of glory being produced.

Today I am faced with a light affliction. It seems to be on a scale of lightness going to just that place before I can not be happy if it gains one ounce more. However, every time it just about tips the scale and my happiness becomes quenched , I remember the race that I am running for His glory. I realize that for every second that I respond to the problem the way that Jesus would it is producing a weight of glory that I will know about eternally . For all eternity a light will shine through me that will glorify God. I have the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ to show me how to respond to my problems in such a way that a weight of glory will be produced.

How cool is that ? I can only be happy then. This problem becomes a blessing as I see it as a glory producing agent for my LORD. This problem is really at my feet as I use it to go on and run this race , for His glory.

Speaking The Truth In Love

The One Who knows me best , loves me most.

Two weeks ago I began a 12 week Bible Study Workbook by Pat Springle titled Untangling Relationships . It was not long after I began reading that the Holy Spirit began convicting me of idolatry. Unfortunately the spirit of condemnation has wanted to walk in the same door. This problem with condemnation has been an ongoing problem with me .

Finally today I told God I needed to hear from Him but I was aware that the condemnation was compelling me to pull back from Him.

And so He showed me the picture of the woman at the well. What He said to her, He is willing to say to me. Yes, a part of the conversation brought out the truth. She was living with a man, not married. Truth for me , I am an idolater and I want to be an idol for others .
There is another story where Jesus talks to the woman the Pharisees wanted to stone for adultery. Jesus tells her He does not condemn her, go and sin no more.
But this codependency thing is so tricky. I can go along thinking that I am helping people from a truly right motive , and then all of a sudden it shows up to me, that no , I did not have a right motive. How can I say to Jesus I will go and not sin ?

I think the answer comes from the place that I have learned about other addictions.

First of all it is impossible to do this thing without God. Backing away from Him is never the answer. I must receive His grace , which means that He is willing to love me and treat me just the same . What I am planning on doing today , has a right motive or what I am planning on doing today , has an undercover motive of idolatry/wanting to be an idol . When I receive His grace it means I believe He will love me and treat me just the same , regardless of my motive. It is this hard concept about His character that I must receive. His love is unconditional .

Second , I prepare to live my life without sin. I study this workbook about codependency and I meditate on the scriptures from the Bible. I do not claim to be something I am not . I claim to be preparing to be a person who does not sin against God. I will look at myself with truth in love because this is the way Jesus is looking at me.

My word of testimony revolves around my request that He be glorified.

Matt 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Blessed be the LORD Who brings forth His glory through me .