It's Okay Where I'm At, Let Me Tell You My Plans

My word of testimony today is about the way God is showing me His answer to a question I have.
The question was about Life Coaching. Should I learn to be a life coach ?
Perhaps you know what Life Coaching is , so I will just share what I feel would be relevant to my word of testimony.

For me to live for the glory of God means to use the gifts He has given me.

Short and simple as it sounds for me it has been like digging up a hundred pound ball and then rolling it around. Oh , I thought of a good analogy , when I go bowling I always look for the ball that will slide easily off my hand at time of release and light enough that my arm won't hurt. Living for God's glory has seemed like He's asked me to bowl with too heavy a ball.

If you read my posts you know that God has been teaching me how to depend on His strength. This is vital to any thing I do for His glory. I just picture the stuff I do in my own strength as hay, wood and stubble that burns up easily and does not give Him glory.

So should I learn Life Coaching ?

My gift of being an encouragement and giving edification to the body of Christ has mostly been centered on finding the prodigal son who has left the pig sty, came back to the father , received the bath, clean robe and ring. He's heard the invitation from his father come in I've prepared a big banquet to celebrate your return. In my story the elder brother gets a chance to tell him what he thinks about his going in and celebrating the banquet . In my story that I try to share with others is that Jesus is also there saying , "Yes, go in and enjoy the banquet. "

My life has been pig sty dirty , but the father's love has drawn me home. For an awful time I became like the elder brother and insisted on earning what the father wanted to give me. I guess that is why I have compassion on the elder brothers that I see today. I know in their hearts they do not want to be like that. If only someone could help them accept that they too are loved by the father and at any moment they can exchange their self righteous garments for the real thing. All it takes is believing that it is okay , right where they are.

Just like the father heard the prodigal son's plans , he'd like to know the plans of the elder brother. More importantly he wants us to know our plans . I think that is why it is written , that they overcame by the blood of the lamb , by the word of their testimony and they loved not their lives even unto death.

I think life coaching skills might fit into what my father would have me to do .
Just like every other thing I do , it would only glorify Him if I was able to lean into the Holy Spirit and do it in His strength, not my own.

1 Th 5:8 But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.

Faith , Hope and Love

I think it was Elisha that lamented I am no better than my fathers.
I have come pretty close to lamenting that I am no better than those Corinthians.

Joyfully I report that my situation has taken a turn for the better.

I gladly report my word of testimony today with a clearer view of where I am going.

Just saying that I will not be like the Levite or Pharisee who passed by the beaten up Samaritan lying beside the road, doesn't get it with me anymore.

No I am not going to go out to the highways and the byways. There are plenty of beaten up Samaritans right in my church. They are there and they are hurting and for whatever reason this is how it is for them, Jesus has what they need .

I have been ignoring them long enough. My only excuse for such blatant anti- Christianity is that I was like the Corinthians. (Only I have not been comfortable being like a Corinthian. )
I have been struggling for weeks hoping some insight would come to set me free from my bondage of Corinthian like living.

What is going to set me free is "faith" "hope" and "love."

Romans 5:1- 5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

I want to live (by faith in) the blood of the lamb.
I want to speak a word of testimony that declares that I rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
I want to live like someone who has the love of God poured out in her heart by the Holy Spirit.

Oh, but what a weak vessel I am to do such a big job. I have just a little strength , maybe the least one in the whole kingdom of God.

I broke down this past Sunday because someone forgot all about me. I'd committed to pray until the baby was born but no one called . I was praying along at a good pace until 12:45 a.m. and then the minutes began to drag by. So I opened my Bible and decided to pray verses out of the Bible for the mother and the baby . Soon about 1:30 a.m. I decided to pray one last prayer, "Father wake me up if You need me to pray."

When I found out the next day that the baby was born at 12:45 a.m. was my first thought how gracious God was to let me know in the Spirit that it was okay to go to sleep when I did?
No, that is not the first thought. The first thought was these people do not love me. They forgot about me .

Then I thought about how tired they all must of been and just ready to go to bed themselves. Still I felt hurt. The hurt began to go away though as stories came about how difficult a night it had been for everyone.
As I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me bring my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ , this thought came into my head. Those foolish Corinthians wouldn't believe that Paul loved them, do I want to be like them?

The answer was "no". So I need to believe that I am loved , and certainly I had proof that I was loved by Christ Jesus as the Spirit had stopped leading me to pray about the time the baby was born.

Later I remembered how many things I had said I would do for one member of the team and had forgotten to do them. Why do I have a backwards memory ? Now I remember vividly telling her about a website link that I knew of that would be helpful for her daughters homework. And there was the time I'd video taped her daughter doing something at a church event and I was going to make a copy for her.

I can open my heart up and believe that God loves me. I can believe that His people are doing as good as they can to let the love that has been poured in their hearts , pour out on me. I can pray everyday that this love I have opened my heart to accept would somehow pour itself out on them. I can stop ignoring them.

Delighted in the LORD !

Remember when I posted about wanting the Holy Spirit to empower me to be thankful ? This concept of allowing the Holy Spirit to do even those things I thought I could do without Him has really taken a hold of me.
Probably because my JOY METER was really running low and then when I started letting the Holy Spirit help me be thankful , the Joy of the LORD started returning full force.

I am so thankful to be me.
Have you ever seen a crazy , ugly , weird shaped jigsaw puzzle ? One of those irregular sided ones , and two sides , and just an ugly picture ? Yet what you see on the box looks interesting, maybe even delightful , so if you are a real jigsaw puzzle buff , you go at it.

My last post may have sounded like I think I am an ugly me with a very unpleasant past . I want you to know though I am anything but ugly to God.
The experiences that I have are for His glory ! If one wrong look from a friend can help me become convicted so that I surrender my prejudice and lack of faith for others , I say ,"Praise the LORD."

My God is so creative He can take the most unpleasant circumstance and use it for His Glory !
Not just once but a thousand times, a million times , after all He is God !

Suffering Reproach and Shame

I have a friend who overcame the sin of gluttony several years ago.
With the absence of that sin running rampant in her life she consequently lost a lot of weight.
I say consequently because sometimes the consequence of doing right is not pleasant.
Consequently she has never looked like the friend that I remember .
Consequently every time I see her I try to remember the way she use to look.
Consequently I have been trying to remember her when she sinned.
Consequently every time that months have lapsed between our visits I anticipate a set back, looking to see if she's gained some weight back.
Consequently I have been helping her suffer reproach and shame.
Consequently I have to admit it seems like a human thing to do.
Consequently I have to seek God for a more divine like love , because I see mine is stinking again.

Not to long ago I caught a look on another friend's face that told me she still remembered when I sinned. I was very hurt because I read into that look that she thought I might still be capable of doing that kind of sin again.
I thought to myself ,"she will never trust me. How can we be friends ?" At first I thought she really was not trusting Jesus , believing that He had done a work of healing in me. But the Holy Spirit showed me that may not be true.

Whenever a sin has lasted long enough in a person's life to become a stronghold it may take a while to see it destroyed. There is always that possibility that the enemy might come back around with temptation to see if he can build it up again.
Just like the initial beginnings of the coming down of that stronghold , I need to stand ready to fight a fight of faith as God's word directs me.
Well, spiritual warfare is a choice. You can do it or you can not. The scriptures encourage us to stay involved with the warfare that Christ Jesus has given us the victory over. Giving my word of testimony everyday is an evidence that I believe this is not a sit down , do nothing kind of walk with God.

But she doesn't know that about me. She doesn't know that I find great joy in participating in the victories that Jesus has won for me. And she doesn't know that I am not about to just stand around and let the enemy rebuild a stronghold that took so long to see come down.

I was feeling let down because her look did not indicate that she would be ready to help me fight temptation again. Her look said, "You better not let that stronghold get built up in your life again, or I won't have anything to do with you."

So I am planning on talking with her about that. I am planning on sharing with her how it was that the love of God shown through just a few individuals is how my stronghold got destroyed in the first place. It took a few women doing something very hard for them to do in their own strength and I know they must have surely sought the LORD to be able to express an act of love to me when this stronghold was so strong it seemed I had no control over it's force.

When I looked back and remembered what I had done , I struggled to believe that God could love me then. However, that was exactly what I needed to do , was struggle to believe and eventually I did believe and accepted that Christ died for me while I was yet a sinner . Their response to my sin helped very much, although neither of them know today what an effect it had on my life.

When I was talking to the LORD about how bad it feels to have people remember what you have done , I was reminded of Mary called Magdalene. She had to carry her past around with her too.

Luke 8:2 And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils,

She did not let what people said or thought about her past , stop her from following Jesus.

I was also convicted of putting a label like that on my friend , only in a bad way. If I can't forget what she looked like when she was heavy , maybe I can train myself to glorify God and thank Him for the victory He gave her over the stronghold of gluttony.

It has occurred to me the same might have been done to glorify God in Magdalene's case , and she bore the reproach knowing that He was being glorified for what He did for her.

I Missed The Sign !

This might seem like a strange testimony .For me to know that there was a sign could count as remarkable.
Jesus said He was glad that the truth was revealed unto babes instead of the wise and prudent. I have to agree with Him, I want to agree with Him.
My hope tonight is that not following a sign , will not matter much to the over all plan of God.

A while back I blogged about how signs follow those who are being led by the Spirit. I was trying to prepare myself for the unusual.

So now that I am being led by the Spirit , things have started happening. I know for a non Christian this whole topic must sound crazy. If I dare project what they might be saying, " Okay, the signs follow but now you are concerned because you missed a sign , that was to aid you to go the right direction ?" Well, yes.

For the Christian knows all to well that the kingdom of God is a backward , completely opposite kind of journey from what the world would think make sense.

When people steal from you , (in the kingdom) you run them down , and like if they had taken your coat , you offer them your cloak.

In the kingdom when people speak ill of you and despite fully use you , you pray for them, that is you ask for good things to happen to them.

I guess you are getting the idea , so the signs that follow when one is being led by the Spirit , they kind of confirm and point at the same time, go this way. And I just did not think fast enough to follow through.

Well, tomorrow is another day. I will once again remember that I have been empowered by the Holy Spirit to choose to not sin and follow the Spirit where ever He leads me.

Oh, I was being led to give a word of testimony actually but blundered and missed a great opportunity , for a whole group of people , maybe five to twelve . Far more than read this blog.

The word of testimony was specific to that group and I am not being led to give it here.

Rather than just sluff off though I wanted to affirm , that when I ask the Spirit to allow me to know the will of my heavenly Father , the Spirit does respond to such requests.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Give Thanks

Matt 11:25 At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.

There is a real stigma to being a babe around the wise and prudent. Yet the wise and prudent have things hid from them, on purpose by the Father. If a babe was to point out something to the wise and prudent I doubt seriously that it would be an eye opener for the wise and prudent. No matter how many times you point something out to people unless it is a truth that the Father has revealed to them , they won't get it.

There does seem to be more success in sharing the truth if it has been revealed to my heart by the Holy Spirit.

That is why I want to truly believe some thing I do will be empowered by the Holy Spirit before I do it. If I know that I am just going to do to please, I think I might look real lame to God.

I think the way I move from A to Z is by following the word.

1 Tim 2:13 For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received [it] not [as] the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.

Suffering

My word of testimony as always is a word of faith in God's word.
I read it ....I speak it .......I hear it..........I invite the Holy Spirit to give me a child like heart that will listen to Him as He helps me understand what it means and how to apply it to my life.

Sometimes the word of God is directly saying don't do like these people . Even while it is being written the words of the author expresses hope that "these people" will change from how they are doing. So I catch the Holy Spirit's teaching of how the change will happen.

Is it because someone says ,"don't do that," or because someone takes the time to help them understand how they came to do that in the first place. Giving them an idea of how to repent and go back and do this thing the right way.

My life is full of repentance. I am constantly going back and attempting to do things the right way.
The areas that I have the least repentance are the things that I have learned to let the Holy Spirit empower me to do.

Writing this word of testimony is a work of the Holy Spirit from the beginning to the end . May God be glorified as this soldier attempts daily to live under the blood of the Lamb and by the word of her testimony and love not my life even unto death.

Hebrews 5:8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

I am encouraged today by the hope of being able to learn through the things I suffer .

As I look through God's word the Galatians were asked , "Have you suffered in vain?"
The Corinthians evidently could not grasp the purpose of suffering. They were all upset because they were suffering and they were blaming Paul. He spends who knows how many hours of trying to help them understand how to respond to their suffering so it will not be in vain.

I think history indicates they never did "get it."

I got , that I wasn't getting it either , a while back as the pastor of my church is teaching weekly from the book of 2 Corinthians. As helpful as it was to see "what" they were not getting, it felt a little like having a blind fold taken off my eyes and realizing that I too was dangerously close to a very steep cliff and a wrong step could throw me off into who knows what .

Now that I am beginning to understand that suffering always has a purpose , I not nearly as afraid as I was. I am learning and not nearly as afraid because what I am learning is that God's love is underneath and above , beside and all around me .

As I put my trust in Him I can be sure that He will help me understand , how to not let my suffering be in vain.

Unlike the Corithians I realize that Jesus did not come to give us a better life than He had.

He came to give us the same.

I Am Perfect And There Is Nothing About Me That I Need To Change

According to God's Word I am being perfected in Christ Jesus. My perfectness will come through Him and from Him , therefore there is nothing that " I " need to change.

He has been given the authority and the power to do all things.

My need to change myself has just been terminated.

He is Lord of my life , therefore He will see that the work He has begun in me will be completed .

This one thing I can tell you for sure . He is not lazy ! He is not a procrastinator ! He does not quit when I whine ! He has all things worked together for my good . He saw me at the beginning and He knows my endless life with Him .

So today when I thanked Him for empowering me to eat like a thin person today , I knew that He saw me already thin. He sees me as a person freed from the sin of gluttony because He knows that He has already done the work needed for me to be perfected in Him.

I can share a word of testimony today that is the result of someone else sharing a word of testimony with me .
This person has a desire to see me as Jesus does.
Yesterday I went to be her helper to set things up for an activity involving a large community of people . I went thinking , "I am her last resort. Surely she wishes that she had other people to help her to set up today." So as we started in I was hoping that she would be encouraged when I told her that I had prayed and asked the LORD to help me be able to do what she asked , and that she would only have to tell me one time. "

Would you like to know what she said ? She said, "Diane , you do just fine." I then interrupted her and said ,"I know I just need to not worry about what people think! "
And then she said, " Diane I want you to listen to me . You are perfect and there is not one thing about you that you need to change. "

The reason this has meant to so much to me is because I know this person is believing in the same LORD and Saviour I do . Now I also know she knows Him as the One Who does the work in us.

So many people who say that they believe Jesus is their saviour , still act as though "they "need to work on their own perfecting. This gives me the idea that they expect me to work on my own perfecting . This is where I get all messed up because if I am suppose to do it , how can I let the LORD do it ? There is not room enough for me and God to work on me.

Diane has left the building ! Now LORD , You can build the house and I know that I will not labor in vain.

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Psalms 127 :1 [[A Song of degrees for Solomon.]] Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh [but] in vain.

By The Blood of The Lamb

My word of testimony has turned into a quest to be an over comer. There is a lot to each of the three signs that the over comers are given in Revelation .
What I have found is that it is not intended that I pick out one and do that for a while, then pick out another. Actually it is a three fold arena that I am to walk into all at once.
I had stopped writing a word of testimony for a while because I had felt like a failure .
Then I saw that I would only be a failure if I gave up. Once my perspective was aligned up with God's word , life became a joy to live again.
This makes for a better atmosphere for a word of testimony to be sure.
Some word of testimonies that I would like to share on line might bring discomfort for some people that I care about very much. So let me make a summarizing statement that covers several individuals and several different situations.

I have been seeing God work in their lives like I have never witnessed before. It is so exciting to visit with people now that have a word of testimony too.

In my own life I am also excited to see that God is working, leading, helping, encouraging, empowering me, loving me, helping me think soundly more than ever before.

I am just finishing up a 12 unit Bible study and had an idea that when this was done I should go back to another study that I had stopped in the middle of to start this one.
As I was completing this last lesson a section was devoted to the importance of waiting on the Lord. The scripture in the margin to back up what they were saying was found in Ps 130.
Suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps my Bible Study that I had set aside for awhile might be teaching on Ps 130. It had been so long since I had looked at it I could not remember. It is the Stepping Up Study by Beth Moore. When I found my book it just seemed right, I stopped a few pages short of finishing Ps 129 , close enough I think to go ahead and begin on Ps 130. The two studies just seem to tie into each other.
What a gracious loving God I serve. He brings me comfort in so many ways.

Who Am I in Christ Jesus ?

For the past few testimonies I have been talking about doing things in the power of the Holy Spirit. The one area I have wanted this truth to be applied to my life is being thankful.

You see I realized that if I want the power of the Holy Spirit to be the power that turns me away from following my sinful nature then I better be letting the Holy Spirit work full time. To say to the Holy Spirit, "that's okay, I can do this without You," and then holler help when I could not do things without Him , just is not going to work.

He is not like water that comes out of a faucet. Turn on, turn off. No .


Now that I have started letting the Holy Spirit turn me towards thankfulness my joy has been restored. After all the kingdom is " righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost." When I started losing my joy , I knew it was because I was quenching the Spirit. It took me a while to figure out how to quit it.



For me following the Holy Spirit is like an adventure. Sometimes I feel as though I have been lifted up and see the big picture. My hopes get all stirred up when I realize that I will someday be a part of the bride of Christ. I can just imagine what a wonderful husband Jesus will be ! He'll never tell me I did a lousy job cooking the pork chops. He will be pleased with me every day. I really am looking forward to being with Jesus , full time.



Then I realize I have to day to live , here in this world.

Jesus said, "be of good cheer , I have overcome this world."

Now Jesus must have known that His overcoming the world would be a reason for me to be of good cheer. It must have something to do with that since I belong to Him , everything He has is mine.



The way that I see myself able to receive all that He has for me , will not be by something I do.

The way that I can receive what He has for me will be by me being empowered by the Holy Spirit .

There is nothing that I will be able to say that I have done myself.

The very fact that I want to be with Him is because He wanted me . The very desire I have for Him was produced by His own great love that He poured out on me .


Who I am in Christ Jesus is Forgiven and Free.

In The Name of Jesus

Col. 3:12-17 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

I have a desire to do these things in the power of the Holy Spirit ,even being thankful . I was brought up to be a smiler. Oh you just don't know what an obedient child I was.
I thought smiling must be the answer to everything. If I smiled even Satan would go away. A false teaching I now realize so I am now not to concerned about smiling. I am more concerned about doing what I do in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Being thankful can appear like smiling. "Thank you," I can say, without much thought. However, am I thankful ? Do I just say , "thank you" to be polite or obedient ? Can the thankful heart that the LORD desires be a put on , kind of thankfullness ?

Since it is an order for the elect of God the Holy Spirit is sure to be able to help me do what my flesh does not want to do. I can chose to be thankful and then fall back into the Holy Spirit to help me follow through with my choice. Kind of like learning to float on water , maybe.
When I fall back believing for the Holy Spirit to empower me to be thankful , rather than I doing it in my strength I think I must believe in the power of the name of Jesus.

This is what the verse says , "do all in the name of the LORD Jesus." His name holds power and authority for those who believe.

Expectations

My thoughts affect my feelings and my feelings can affect my actions. I would say when I am most at ease and living the abundant life Jesus gave me the thoughts , feelings and actions are all going the same way.

When I am aware that my thoughts are not going the way that Jesus would be thinking I can choose to have my thoughts brought captive to the obedience of Christ , or not.

I do not want to go with the "or not" but the doing of bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ can sure be a chore , sometimes.

I praise Him that I do not have to do this single handedly. The power of the Holy Spirit is within me and empowers me to bring those thoughts around.

I could say that I expect the Holy Spirit to empower me but that would be a false statement.
I have faith in God's word and believe the Holy Spirit will empower me , this is true.
That means when I put faith in God's word to be thankful , I knew I was building a house on a firm foundation .

So what does this mean that I can expect ? Nothing.
Expectations really have no place in the spirit led Christians life. There is no , if you follow this you will get this.

There is , if I follow Jesus I'll live the life and purpose for which I was created. How that will look to myself or other people is purely speculation.

I've had some experiences lately that has made me realize that I better go back and look again at my foundation. While taking a good look at what I was thankful for , and what I was not thankful for , I realized that I had put a lot of expectations into this equation that really may not fit.
On the other hand by realizing that I will (by choice) be thankful "in" the situation I will have what I have always wanted.

A life that glorifies Jesus.

On Sundays my pastor is teaching out of 1 & 2 Corinthians. Over and over I hear how Paul is writing a letter to these people and trying to help them understand some thing . Paul's love for these people is evident as he labors over and over again with his words to help them understand a thing that they don't. He tells them quite honestly your actions are an indication that you do not understand. If you understood your actions would be different. He is telling them the truth in love.

If I could understand how he was able to make this statement :
1 Cr 1:4 I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ;
I could then proceed on with my life as God intended.
I am glad that over and over again He brings me back to this place. Hopefully I will not take off this time with a false expectation or a delusion of some kind.

David Gusik says ,"Paul is sincerely thankful for God's work in them. " This reminds me of Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

Who Has The Light Today?

Since I have begun sharing more life experiences I feel that my word of testimony is becoming more to what the Holy Spirit wants from me.

The "word" is the word of God and the "testimony" is how I see it being experienced in me.

I see that the word being experienced by me it is then living in me.

So if I all I can take is one word and experience it , this would be better than sharing five words that I can not.

If the only word I can say is , "I have a thankful heart " this does not sound like a very interesting testimony to me.

Col 3:16 Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.

However to one who is troubling over the lack of understanding they have , it might be very interesting , especially if they are aware of what Romans 1:21 says..

Romans 1:21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified [him] not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

This is my word of testimony . I can see that even though I had set my heart to glorify God but became unthankful my vain imaginations started taking over. Even though I had once enjoyed having the eyes of my heart opened the darkness was coming in , due to a lack of thankfulness.

I have a friend that shared a word of testimony about thankfulness with me yesterday.
She said that when she realized that she did not have to be thankful "for" all things but thankful " in " all things , she was comforted.

Her sharing brought comfort to me too.

I am also trying to be aware of what I am truly thankful for or not. Those things that I am not thankful for I am taking to God and saying "Here is thing I am not thankful for. Please help me with this. I know the power of the Holy Spirit is available to help me here. Please help me receive His help. " Then I go back to being thankful for what I can be thankful for. There are a lot of things on this list that that the Holy Spirit has helped me to be thankful for. A lot of ugly things that I wondered how I could ever be thankful for, the power of the Holy Spirit moved me into place with God's word.

Oh, This Is Perfect !

Eph 4:12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

Living under the blood of the Lamb, by the word of my testimony and loving not my life unto death seems way out there to me. Especially since I know where I am in this loving not my life unto death part.
However, I can remember a day that I was not living under the blood of the Lamb nor was I living by the word of my testimony. The only way these things became a reality for me was to head towards them .
Once I found this was what I really wanted to do , a lot of help came . I found other believers who believed that they also were to live under the blood of the Lamb. I found a few more who believe that the word of our testimony is just as important. I've found a small number who are just about where I am ,wanting to love not our lives even unto death .

So I share what light I have on the subject. They share what light they have. As we share this seems to produce more light for us. This sharing of the light I think is also a word of our testimony. This talking about the light that we have I think aids us to come to a sense of balance so that we can then walk in this light. The more I try to walk in the light , even if I fall down , the better it is for my spiritual growth process.

I have wanted to talk this week about the perfecting of the saints.

2 Cr 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Jesus was answering Paul's request to have an affliction removed from him. And then Paul says , "He will most gladly ..................(read above passage.)

I think I am beginning to catch on to why he could say , "most gladly. "

The other night my daughter and I attended a home group fellowship. I commented on how one way I saw to begin to change from following the flesh was to be thankful for all things. As an example I talked about wanting to be thankful while being the passenger when my daughter learns how to drive.
My daughter at first thought my comment would infer to the group that I thought she was a bad driver. So she said something relevant to that . Then she thought a minute and she said, "My mom has issues. "

She knows that is right. It is not about her driving. She is doing well for the amount of practice that she's had. It is about her mom having issues.

The unhealthy fear I have about riding with her is because of my issues. I am not looking forward to someday getting in the car and no fear. Because some fear is healthy. A certain amount of fear will keep me on my toes so to speak.

If I did not confess it to anyone , maybe no one would know that I have an unhealthy fear that I am trying to overcome. Almost everyone suspects that I just have an overly sensitive healthy fear and even though it keeps me grabbing at my seat and pushing the imaginary brake on my side, we'll make it.

And make it we will. For those who are traveling with me in this journey of how to love not our lives unto death they know that an unhealthy fear quenches the Holy Spirit . We believe that it is by the power of the Holy Spirit that we move on into this giving of our lives . I am talking about being the same kind of Christian that Paul was.

He most gladly would rather glory in his infirmities that the power of Christ might rest upon him.

I started telling the LORD that I wanted to be thankful for all things. I have been thanking Him all week for all things that I was thankful for . I especially would start a prayer of thanksgiving when I began to feel the fear and dread of yet another driving excursion to come.

I do not know when He will chose to heal me of my issues but I am believing that His grace is sufficient for me. I also believe that His strength is made perfect in weakness. I most gladly then am glad that I have a weakness for His strength to be made perfect in.

Made perfect infers there is a progress to this process. I am not planning on keeping the weakness just because I am thankful for it. I believe that I will see these weaknesses in me replaced by His power .

Be It Unto Me

Luke 1:38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

My word of testimony is a work in progress.
I have been talking about doing things not in my power but in God's power.
I pointed out a particular task that I know I must do but at this point still unable to do with out fear and dread.
I don't mind telling you what the task is but I certainly wish I could talk in generalities about it to other people.
Unfortunately when I tell them what the task is they do not seem to hear that I am wanting to do this in God's power.
They do not hear that I was feeling like a total failure because I was/have been doing it in my strength.

The "was feeling like a total failure" is just a few days ago and I do not want to go back there.

I do not feel like a total failure today because I see this is a work in progress. For one thing I realized to walk in the Spirit I have to chose to not walk in my flesh. Rather than take one giant step into the task and find that I can not do it in the Spirit , I have decided to take a smaller step.

My flesh certainly does not want to be thankful for this situation, however my spirit does want to be thankful.
My spirit wants to be thankful because I have asked the Father to help my will to line up with His word.

So now when ever I remember I must do this task , I chose to thank Him for the situation.

I wish I could thank Him just naturally but right now I am having to make a definite choice of my will to thank Him.

I am careful to thank Him also for all the things that come to my mind that He has done.
I realize this is bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ.
This one small step requires that I do it in His power. I could not be thankful that He is God and I am not , in my flesh. My flesh wants to be the boss you know.

But His Spirit does dwell within me and does give me the power to turn away from what my flesh wants to do .

My spirit and the Holy Spirit wants to be thankful for all things. I start where I can , in the Spirit and go as close to the task , that I do not want to do, as I can in my mind.

I try not to think about what will happen if I do not get this right soon.

I do think about what doing this task but with a wrong attitude , (which will quench the Spirit, ) will produce.

I remember a story about Moses' wife , Zipporah . Moses told her she must obey God and perform a task that she did not want to do. Well , she did it, however it was plain that she did not do it with a right spirit. In Exodus 4:25b she says, Surely a bloody husband [art] thou to me.

So with Zipporah being the least person I want to be like and Mary being the most like I want to be like I find myself on scale somewhere in between.

Not quite like Mary , but going that way. Choosing not to be like Zipporah and just do it and choosing to be like Mary who held the hope of a promise in her heart.

She endured many unpleasantness's because of her choice. Yet she believed that what was told her would happen.

A Word of Testimony

My days have been full of uncertainty about many things. My attempt to fast ( a money fast) had been failing. Things were looking bleak and then they looked as though they could get worse than ever.
Above every thing else that I was trying to do , but could not do successfully , hovered this horrible awful fear.

There had been assigned to me , by a person , to do a task. I knew he was right to assign this task to me but every time I tried to do it, I was afraid. A horrible , horrible fear would grip me .

I began dreading the next time I would have to do this task.

The dread of knowing I was going to have to do this task , coming up, even the next day, would ruin the very day I was thinking about it.

No wonder my joy was beginning to slip a way from me. It has been a horrible 3 or 4 weeks.

I can not remember exactly when this started , but it was only getting worse and worse.



Finally I decided fear was a sin and I was going to start confessing my sin to God. While I was at it I decided I'd confess all kinds of other sins too.



The hard part about confessing a sin to God is that it must be done humbly. I must admit that all sin can only be blotted out by His Son's blood and that I myself can not remove my sin for Him.



I know my parents meant well when they taught me to be sorry for something I did wrong. This is how most situations were addressed. "Are you sorry ?" "Yes" "Are you going to do it again ?" "No."
So what I learned about being sorry was , don't do it again. But with God it is not be sorry , don't do it again , in your power. It is be sorry and don't do it again in His power.

Even better is receive His grace for having done the sin , He has forgiven me.
That means the fear I have while riding in the passenger seat as my daughter learns to drive. Some times fear is healthy. What if I become so calm that I forget she still is learning to drive so I don't look to see if she has noticed the up coming stop light ?

However, this miserable existence that I had made for myself had to stop.
Finally I said to the LORD, "I know I should not be afraid. I know that it is a sin. I know that I have asked You to take this sin away. "

Then I thought about what really was making me so miserable. It wasn't the fear. It wasn't the list of things that I felt I should do but just couldn't do. It was that I was pulling back from Him. I was projecting that He should be waiting for me to say , "I'm sorry and I won't do it again." He was not doing that , this was my projected opinion of how a righteous and just God would be responding to my mess.

I told Him that I wanted to praise Him. I did not ask Him if it was alright. I just decided that He was worthy, is worthy and would always be worthy of my praise.

I know to obey is better than sacrifice. However, since I can not obey , I will continue to try , I will praise Him. He is still doing great . It is me with all the mess.
I will praise Him when I remember that I have to ride in the car with my daughter.
I will praise Him when I remember how much I dread it and how afraid I am.
I will praise Him when I am not sure if I am going to be able to stick to the money fast.
I will praise Him when the list of I shoulds don't get done today.

He is still doing a great job. I praise Him for creating the heavens and the earth. I praise Him for loving me. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart to see His light. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart and giving me power to turn away from the power of Satan. I praise Him for His river of forgiveness that runs beautiful and deep for me to drink of. I praise Him for the inheritance that I have along with all the saints who are sanctified by their faith in Him.

Also I have decided to read Psalm 91 at least once a day.