You know I will be 60 years old this coming February. What an awesome thing to be able to say. That thought about how many years it took me to get here , just kept coming up to me and pestering me. The thoughts weren't going to stop me from going on now, better late than never is what I've always said. Still, up would come the thought and hit my emotions like seaweed marring a beautiful sandy beach.
The other day I happened across a person whose book had helped me so much. His honesty and his relating his word of testimony inspired and encouraged me. His name had become marred with public scandal. Not real facts but a distortion of some facts. The reason I had bought his book was because I had happened to see him in an interview on TV. He said , that the LORD had told him not to answer his accusers and fight them with facts. That the LORD had something He wanted to teach him, this fellow who wrote the book. Then he went on to tell his side of the story and promote his book. I wondered at the time if the LORD had told him it was okay now to defend himself, but I went on and ordered the book.
The LORD had indeed taught him something and had he not obeyed he probably would not of learned the valuable truth that he had about shame. He had mentioned something in that book about his next book to be published so I was on the Internet trying to see if it might be for sale somewhere, and I came upon this author. There he was , in video talking about how the LORD had told him that He had not changed His mind. From what I gathered the author had a take on what the LORD had said to him that could of been off a little bit.
As I began to pray for him , that if he was mistaken that the LORD would help him get back on the right path, the compassion I felt for him must of come from the LORD. Suddenly I knew the LORD's compassion would also extend to me.
The LORD does not mind that I am 60 and just now beginning to do what I've known He always wanted me to do. Nor will He mind if this author wakes up today and says, "Oh, that's what the LORD meant when He said, I haven't changed my mind." Any day you come to do the LORD's will is just fine with Him, and He is willing to treat you as if you have been doing okay, all along.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Are You Troubled ?
I have been rejoicing in the LORD because I am not troubled. Not because there has been a decrease in problems, in fact just the opposite.
This gift of not being troubled did not arrive on my doorstep one day like some new tonic. Take this and no more troubles. No.........I would have to say this gift of not being troubled actually arrived when I was very troubled, yet it did not seem to help my feeling troubled for a very long time.
My anger problem was getting worse. I was attempting to use parenting skills that gave my child choices and loving consequences for defiance and acts of disrespect. Giving a child a consequence lovingly required an attitude of love. I was a screamer , but now my child was screaming at me. I did not want to give her consequences for doing the same thing I was doing. Thus the anger was building up. When it would explode out of me I would later feel terrible.
For me the answer came when I attended a Parenting Workshop in Little Rock , AR . Ester Williams was the guest speaker and her topic was managing anger. Her presentation was to help teachers and parents present a plan of anger management to children. As I listened and took in what she had to say I knew this was the key to my own anger management.
Until her workshop I had never heard that our emotions are the result of what we think.
So what I was thinking was really underneath my anger. First I had to become sensitive to what those thoughts, before the anger eruption really were. This took time and it took humility. If I could make myself sit down and write about my anger eruption , only when I was able to say, "Lord, help me , know what was I thinking," did I ever have anything to write.
Slowly but surely I began realising what thoughts were feeding my anger.
As my car broke twice and I am told it will soon need more repairs, the washing machine stopped spinning out the water in the last cycle, and the income that I depend on still barely covers my necessities , I am not troubled. I would have been and am sometimes for a season, until I realize what thoughts are feeding that emotion. When I read Luke 24:37 the other morning I wondered if the disciples knew the depth of what Jesus had just said to them.
Luke 24:37 And He said unto them, "Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?"
I praise the LORD today for the thoughts He has placed in my heart. That He cares for the birds and that I am of more value than they. He will take care of me.
This gift of not being troubled did not arrive on my doorstep one day like some new tonic. Take this and no more troubles. No.........I would have to say this gift of not being troubled actually arrived when I was very troubled, yet it did not seem to help my feeling troubled for a very long time.
My anger problem was getting worse. I was attempting to use parenting skills that gave my child choices and loving consequences for defiance and acts of disrespect. Giving a child a consequence lovingly required an attitude of love. I was a screamer , but now my child was screaming at me. I did not want to give her consequences for doing the same thing I was doing. Thus the anger was building up. When it would explode out of me I would later feel terrible.
For me the answer came when I attended a Parenting Workshop in Little Rock , AR . Ester Williams was the guest speaker and her topic was managing anger. Her presentation was to help teachers and parents present a plan of anger management to children. As I listened and took in what she had to say I knew this was the key to my own anger management.
Until her workshop I had never heard that our emotions are the result of what we think.
So what I was thinking was really underneath my anger. First I had to become sensitive to what those thoughts, before the anger eruption really were. This took time and it took humility. If I could make myself sit down and write about my anger eruption , only when I was able to say, "Lord, help me , know what was I thinking," did I ever have anything to write.
Slowly but surely I began realising what thoughts were feeding my anger.
As my car broke twice and I am told it will soon need more repairs, the washing machine stopped spinning out the water in the last cycle, and the income that I depend on still barely covers my necessities , I am not troubled. I would have been and am sometimes for a season, until I realize what thoughts are feeding that emotion. When I read Luke 24:37 the other morning I wondered if the disciples knew the depth of what Jesus had just said to them.
Luke 24:37 And He said unto them, "Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?"
I praise the LORD today for the thoughts He has placed in my heart. That He cares for the birds and that I am of more value than they. He will take care of me.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
What Shame ?
Whenever I am in the midst of a problem many types of things come up. It is all part of the same problem that will in time change , however I am trying to get the most out of this problem that I can. I can remember those days that I thought pleasing God was to believe that He would take my problem away. That was such a small part of the picture I see now. As I recognize the right response and then allow the Spirit to empower me to do what I see will glorify His name , I feel as though I must stay busy all the time. This problem might be over soon and I will have lost several good opportunities. I know He will be faithful to give me a new problem but I believe He wants me to act on all that I see, not put it off and say, "tomorrow will be just as good as today."
A question that I believe the Holy Spirit has laid on my heart to ask myself daily is this: "If I see a work in the flesh in my life , am I using another work of the flesh to quit it?"
I have (without consulting the Holy Spirit) been expecting this to work. Now it is my hope is that the Spirit can lead me to an alternate route.
One very unfruitful work of my flesh has been how to handle shame. Again I question myself, "are you going to use a work of the flesh to get rid of a work of the flesh?"
I will say today that I believe my redeemer has a plan for the shame that I see coming on the horizon. For He said through the prophet,
"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Nor be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame.....
And will not remember the reproach........anymore." Isaiah 54:4 NKJV
Even though what I see is real, my LORD has a plan for turning it into something that will glorify Him. As I turn it over to Him and let Him work out all the details I stand in awe and worship Him. He truly is an awesome God.
A question that I believe the Holy Spirit has laid on my heart to ask myself daily is this: "If I see a work in the flesh in my life , am I using another work of the flesh to quit it?"
I have (without consulting the Holy Spirit) been expecting this to work. Now it is my hope is that the Spirit can lead me to an alternate route.
One very unfruitful work of my flesh has been how to handle shame. Again I question myself, "are you going to use a work of the flesh to get rid of a work of the flesh?"
I will say today that I believe my redeemer has a plan for the shame that I see coming on the horizon. For He said through the prophet,
"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Nor be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame.....
And will not remember the reproach........anymore." Isaiah 54:4 NKJV
Even though what I see is real, my LORD has a plan for turning it into something that will glorify Him. As I turn it over to Him and let Him work out all the details I stand in awe and worship Him. He truly is an awesome God.
Friday, December 25, 2009
His Love Sets Me Free
The word of my testimony today comes from Galatians . Actually all my words of testimony come from the HOLY BIBLE as one big picture. I been focused in on Galatians 3:2-3 This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?
Today as I cook this turkey , boil the corn on cob , mix up the dressing and place this meal before my daughter and I to eat , it is my hope that it will not be a work of the flesh. Today as I clean my house and figure my budget , again may it not be a work of the flesh. As I write this word of testimony and other Internet connections that I will be involved in today , may it not be a work of the flesh.
I will be believing that I am not a foolish Galatian . I will be believing that what I do cheerfully and heartily unto the LORD the LORD is aware of . I will be knowing that since the LORD never leaves me or forsakes me He will be near and willing to let me lean into Him for strength to do those things . Even to do those things as a worship unto Him , for one does not worship Him in the flesh but in Spirit and in Truth.
Today as I cook this turkey , boil the corn on cob , mix up the dressing and place this meal before my daughter and I to eat , it is my hope that it will not be a work of the flesh. Today as I clean my house and figure my budget , again may it not be a work of the flesh. As I write this word of testimony and other Internet connections that I will be involved in today , may it not be a work of the flesh.
I will be believing that I am not a foolish Galatian . I will be believing that what I do cheerfully and heartily unto the LORD the LORD is aware of . I will be knowing that since the LORD never leaves me or forsakes me He will be near and willing to let me lean into Him for strength to do those things . Even to do those things as a worship unto Him , for one does not worship Him in the flesh but in Spirit and in Truth.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Father, may I come? Yes, you may go.
Years ago I was uncertain about the Father's love for me . I kind of had Him pictured as putting up with me. Did He really want me following Him? I didn't think so. But I was trying to follow Him anyway and He was just putting up with me.
To express my feelings I wrote an imaginary story about Oprah. The one that is in the story of Ruth and Naomi. I felt as though there could of been another part of the story , one of Oprah's who hadn't really been given permission to come so she just followed along out of sight .
Through the years I've come to realize that following God is an open invitation to all. All who would respond as Ruth did to Naomi. Willing to leave her gods, her people, her way of living that she was accustomed to.
This does not mean that I think everyone who chooses to follow Jesus will have the same happy ending to their story , (here on earth anyway) as Ruth did. After all the disciples said to Jesus, "We've left all to follow you. "
What I wanted to share with you this morning is a testimony about the power of God enabling me to leave my gods, my people, my way of life.
I did not wake up one day and have Naomi say , " I am leaving today, good bye." There was a day that I woke up, yes. A day that I realised there were gods in my life that I was wanting to hang on to. A day that I realised that what God wanted was to be my only God and what was keeping me feeling like I needed to hang around on the outskirts of the camp was that I knew, He was not my only God.
So I started saying , "I want to want to, let go of this ___________ and I want to want to live this way ____________ and I want to want Your people to be my people. "
This evidently is what He has always wanted to hear , because He has been helping me to want to let go of idolatry . He has been helping me want to make life choices , such as forgiving others when they trespass against me. He has been helping me love His people.
It is a process that is still on going .
Today when I was asking Him to direct me to the field that I should go to today. (I'll be more specific later on.) I realised that I was asking with confidence that He surely would lead me to the right field. I would go where He wanted me to go. He is my God and I am His person.
He's helping me to be the person who does not hold on to stuff and try to enter the kingdom of God. Even though I am still in the process of letting go of everything , He is willing to treat me as though I already have.
So I will be job hunting today , and I believe He will lead me to the right job. I will be looking for a new meeting room for the parenting support group that I facilitate. I believe He will lead me to the right place for that too.
Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
This "go" is for all who will follow Him. Everywhere I go may I find fields ripe unto harvest.
To express my feelings I wrote an imaginary story about Oprah. The one that is in the story of Ruth and Naomi. I felt as though there could of been another part of the story , one of Oprah's who hadn't really been given permission to come so she just followed along out of sight .
Through the years I've come to realize that following God is an open invitation to all. All who would respond as Ruth did to Naomi. Willing to leave her gods, her people, her way of living that she was accustomed to.
This does not mean that I think everyone who chooses to follow Jesus will have the same happy ending to their story , (here on earth anyway) as Ruth did. After all the disciples said to Jesus, "We've left all to follow you. "
What I wanted to share with you this morning is a testimony about the power of God enabling me to leave my gods, my people, my way of life.
I did not wake up one day and have Naomi say , " I am leaving today, good bye." There was a day that I woke up, yes. A day that I realised there were gods in my life that I was wanting to hang on to. A day that I realised that what God wanted was to be my only God and what was keeping me feeling like I needed to hang around on the outskirts of the camp was that I knew, He was not my only God.
So I started saying , "I want to want to, let go of this ___________ and I want to want to live this way ____________ and I want to want Your people to be my people. "
This evidently is what He has always wanted to hear , because He has been helping me to want to let go of idolatry . He has been helping me want to make life choices , such as forgiving others when they trespass against me. He has been helping me love His people.
It is a process that is still on going .
Today when I was asking Him to direct me to the field that I should go to today. (I'll be more specific later on.) I realised that I was asking with confidence that He surely would lead me to the right field. I would go where He wanted me to go. He is my God and I am His person.
He's helping me to be the person who does not hold on to stuff and try to enter the kingdom of God. Even though I am still in the process of letting go of everything , He is willing to treat me as though I already have.
So I will be job hunting today , and I believe He will lead me to the right job. I will be looking for a new meeting room for the parenting support group that I facilitate. I believe He will lead me to the right place for that too.
Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
This "go" is for all who will follow Him. Everywhere I go may I find fields ripe unto harvest.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I Have Decided To Follow Jesus
Right now I have some very big decisions to make.
A word picture would be of a ship (that's me) and a stormy sea ( the wind and waves telling me what I should do ) and the destination has a lighthouse set upon it . "Lord , I have decided to follow You, so please do something about this wind and waves. "
He is .
Perhaps the very wind and waves that I find making my trip so uncomfortable are the very things that I need to end up in the right place at the right time.
I was clipping along pretty good at giving a daily testimony when I read this book for authors.
It said, "Something written in haste is rarely enjoyed by the reader." ( Not exact quote.)
It has taken a few days for me to recover. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me this blog is not for the enjoyment of any reader. This is the word of my testimony.
Here it is:
My choices and actions were once interfered with by several oppressions put on me by the enemy. I wanted these oppressions to stop so I cried unto the LORD for help , and He helped.
He started sending people into my life that ignored the oppression and treated me as though I was free. When I mentioned that I might start drinking again they said ,"so, if you do, just keep on following Jesus." So instead of fearing that I would drink again, I just decided , that if it happened I would not stop following Jesus. Want to know something . I do not even want to drink anymore. I can not even think that I would want to drink anymore. But if I do , I will continue to follow Jesus . The thing is now , of course you've noticed. I am following Jesus. I doubt very seriously that He is going to go into a bar . That is pretty easy to assume , given my history with strong beverages. Although you and I know of people He has lead into bars. I am just trying to relate this problem to my current problem(s) and follow Him through this storm.
Now I am following Jesus and I assume that I am not to go into debt to go where He is showing me to go. Just like I assume that I am not going to go into a bar . Are you following my testimony here ?
On the other hand , everyone knows that you go into debt when you live in a house.
I am beginning to lean towards the same attitude for health insurance deductibles. Health insurance with a $2,000.00 deductible maybe should be looked at like a mortgage on a house. If you plan to pay it , it is okay.
So I have to go and pursue a job. My ad in the paper did not produce anyone who would pursue me. So now I have to go and pursue a job.
My word of testimony today is that I believe Jesus will not leave me or forsake me.
A word picture would be of a ship (that's me) and a stormy sea ( the wind and waves telling me what I should do ) and the destination has a lighthouse set upon it . "Lord , I have decided to follow You, so please do something about this wind and waves. "
He is .
Perhaps the very wind and waves that I find making my trip so uncomfortable are the very things that I need to end up in the right place at the right time.
I was clipping along pretty good at giving a daily testimony when I read this book for authors.
It said, "Something written in haste is rarely enjoyed by the reader." ( Not exact quote.)
It has taken a few days for me to recover. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me this blog is not for the enjoyment of any reader. This is the word of my testimony.
Here it is:
My choices and actions were once interfered with by several oppressions put on me by the enemy. I wanted these oppressions to stop so I cried unto the LORD for help , and He helped.
He started sending people into my life that ignored the oppression and treated me as though I was free. When I mentioned that I might start drinking again they said ,"so, if you do, just keep on following Jesus." So instead of fearing that I would drink again, I just decided , that if it happened I would not stop following Jesus. Want to know something . I do not even want to drink anymore. I can not even think that I would want to drink anymore. But if I do , I will continue to follow Jesus . The thing is now , of course you've noticed. I am following Jesus. I doubt very seriously that He is going to go into a bar . That is pretty easy to assume , given my history with strong beverages. Although you and I know of people He has lead into bars. I am just trying to relate this problem to my current problem(s) and follow Him through this storm.
Now I am following Jesus and I assume that I am not to go into debt to go where He is showing me to go. Just like I assume that I am not going to go into a bar . Are you following my testimony here ?
On the other hand , everyone knows that you go into debt when you live in a house.
I am beginning to lean towards the same attitude for health insurance deductibles. Health insurance with a $2,000.00 deductible maybe should be looked at like a mortgage on a house. If you plan to pay it , it is okay.
So I have to go and pursue a job. My ad in the paper did not produce anyone who would pursue me. So now I have to go and pursue a job.
My word of testimony today is that I believe Jesus will not leave me or forsake me.
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