Is it too late?

You know I will be 60 years old this coming February. What an awesome thing to be able to say. That thought about how many years it took me to get here , just kept coming up to me and pestering me. The thoughts weren't going to stop me from going on now, better late than never is what I've always said. Still, up would come the thought and hit my emotions like seaweed marring a beautiful sandy beach.
The other day I happened across a person whose book had helped me so much. His honesty and his relating his word of testimony inspired and encouraged me. His name had become marred with public scandal. Not real facts but a distortion of some facts. The reason I had bought his book was because I had happened to see him in an interview on TV. He said , that the LORD had told him not to answer his accusers and fight them with facts. That the LORD had something He wanted to teach him, this fellow who wrote the book. Then he went on to tell his side of the story and promote his book. I wondered at the time if the LORD had told him it was okay now to defend himself, but I went on and ordered the book.
The LORD had indeed taught him something and had he not obeyed he probably would not of learned the valuable truth that he had about shame. He had mentioned something in that book about his next book to be published so I was on the Internet trying to see if it might be for sale somewhere, and I came upon this author. There he was , in video talking about how the LORD had told him that He had not changed His mind. From what I gathered the author had a take on what the LORD had said to him that could of been off a little bit.
As I began to pray for him , that if he was mistaken that the LORD would help him get back on the right path, the compassion I felt for him must of come from the LORD. Suddenly I knew the LORD's compassion would also extend to me.
The LORD does not mind that I am 60 and just now beginning to do what I've known He always wanted me to do. Nor will He mind if this author wakes up today and says, "Oh, that's what the LORD meant when He said, I haven't changed my mind." Any day you come to do the LORD's will is just fine with Him, and He is willing to treat you as if you have been doing okay, all along.

Are You Troubled ?

I have been rejoicing in the LORD because I am not troubled. Not because there has been a decrease in problems, in fact just the opposite.
This gift of not being troubled did not arrive on my doorstep one day like some new tonic. Take this and no more troubles. No.........I would have to say this gift of not being troubled actually arrived when I was very troubled, yet it did not seem to help my feeling troubled for a very long time.
My anger problem was getting worse. I was attempting to use parenting skills that gave my child choices and loving consequences for defiance and acts of disrespect. Giving a child a consequence lovingly required an attitude of love. I was a screamer , but now my child was screaming at me. I did not want to give her consequences for doing the same thing I was doing. Thus the anger was building up. When it would explode out of me I would later feel terrible.
For me the answer came when I attended a Parenting Workshop in Little Rock , AR . Ester Williams was the guest speaker and her topic was managing anger. Her presentation was to help teachers and parents present a plan of anger management to children. As I listened and took in what she had to say I knew this was the key to my own anger management.
Until her workshop I had never heard that our emotions are the result of what we think.
So what I was thinking was really underneath my anger. First I had to become sensitive to what those thoughts, before the anger eruption really were. This took time and it took humility. If I could make myself sit down and write about my anger eruption , only when I was able to say, "Lord, help me , know what was I thinking," did I ever have anything to write.
Slowly but surely I began realising what thoughts were feeding my anger.

As my car broke twice and I am told it will soon need more repairs, the washing machine stopped spinning out the water in the last cycle, and the income that I depend on still barely covers my necessities , I am not troubled. I would have been and am sometimes for a season, until I realize what thoughts are feeding that emotion. When I read Luke 24:37 the other morning I wondered if the disciples knew the depth of what Jesus had just said to them.

Luke 24:37 And He said unto them, "Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?"

I praise the LORD today for the thoughts He has placed in my heart. That He cares for the birds and that I am of more value than they. He will take care of me.

What Shame ?

Whenever I am in the midst of a problem many types of things come up. It is all part of the same problem that will in time change , however I am trying to get the most out of this problem that I can. I can remember those days that I thought pleasing God was to believe that He would take my problem away. That was such a small part of the picture I see now. As I recognize the right response and then allow the Spirit to empower me to do what I see will glorify His name , I feel as though I must stay busy all the time. This problem might be over soon and I will have lost several good opportunities. I know He will be faithful to give me a new problem but I believe He wants me to act on all that I see, not put it off and say, "tomorrow will be just as good as today."

A question that I believe the Holy Spirit has laid on my heart to ask myself daily is this: "If I see a work in the flesh in my life , am I using another work of the flesh to quit it?"
I have (without consulting the Holy Spirit) been expecting this to work. Now it is my hope is that the Spirit can lead me to an alternate route.

One very unfruitful work of my flesh has been how to handle shame. Again I question myself, "are you going to use a work of the flesh to get rid of a work of the flesh?"

I will say today that I believe my redeemer has a plan for the shame that I see coming on the horizon. For He said through the prophet,
"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Nor be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame.....
And will not remember the reproach........anymore." Isaiah 54:4 NKJV

Even though what I see is real, my LORD has a plan for turning it into something that will glorify Him. As I turn it over to Him and let Him work out all the details I stand in awe and worship Him. He truly is an awesome God.

His Love Sets Me Free

The word of my testimony today comes from Galatians . Actually all my words of testimony come from the HOLY BIBLE as one big picture. I been focused in on Galatians 3:2-3 This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?

Today as I cook this turkey , boil the corn on cob , mix up the dressing and place this meal before my daughter and I to eat , it is my hope that it will not be a work of the flesh. Today as I clean my house and figure my budget , again may it not be a work of the flesh. As I write this word of testimony and other Internet connections that I will be involved in today , may it not be a work of the flesh.

I will be believing that I am not a foolish Galatian . I will be believing that what I do cheerfully and heartily unto the LORD the LORD is aware of . I will be knowing that since the LORD never leaves me or forsakes me He will be near and willing to let me lean into Him for strength to do those things . Even to do those things as a worship unto Him , for one does not worship Him in the flesh but in Spirit and in Truth.

Father, may I come? Yes, you may go.

Years ago I was uncertain about the Father's love for me . I kind of had Him pictured as putting up with me. Did He really want me following Him? I didn't think so. But I was trying to follow Him anyway and He was just putting up with me.

To express my feelings I wrote an imaginary story about Oprah. The one that is in the story of Ruth and Naomi. I felt as though there could of been another part of the story , one of Oprah's who hadn't really been given permission to come so she just followed along out of sight .

Through the years I've come to realize that following God is an open invitation to all. All who would respond as Ruth did to Naomi. Willing to leave her gods, her people, her way of living that she was accustomed to.

This does not mean that I think everyone who chooses to follow Jesus will have the same happy ending to their story , (here on earth anyway) as Ruth did. After all the disciples said to Jesus, "We've left all to follow you. "

What I wanted to share with you this morning is a testimony about the power of God enabling me to leave my gods, my people, my way of life.

I did not wake up one day and have Naomi say , " I am leaving today, good bye." There was a day that I woke up, yes. A day that I realised there were gods in my life that I was wanting to hang on to. A day that I realised that what God wanted was to be my only God and what was keeping me feeling like I needed to hang around on the outskirts of the camp was that I knew, He was not my only God.

So I started saying , "I want to want to, let go of this ___________ and I want to want to live this way ____________ and I want to want Your people to be my people. "

This evidently is what He has always wanted to hear , because He has been helping me to want to let go of idolatry . He has been helping me want to make life choices , such as forgiving others when they trespass against me. He has been helping me love His people.

It is a process that is still on going .

Today when I was asking Him to direct me to the field that I should go to today. (I'll be more specific later on.) I realised that I was asking with confidence that He surely would lead me to the right field. I would go where He wanted me to go. He is my God and I am His person.

He's helping me to be the person who does not hold on to stuff and try to enter the kingdom of God. Even though I am still in the process of letting go of everything , He is willing to treat me as though I already have.

So I will be job hunting today , and I believe He will lead me to the right job. I will be looking for a new meeting room for the parenting support group that I facilitate. I believe He will lead me to the right place for that too.

Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

This "go" is for all who will follow Him. Everywhere I go may I find fields ripe unto harvest.

I Have Decided To Follow Jesus

Right now I have some very big decisions to make.
A word picture would be of a ship (that's me) and a stormy sea ( the wind and waves telling me what I should do ) and the destination has a lighthouse set upon it . "Lord , I have decided to follow You, so please do something about this wind and waves. "
He is .
Perhaps the very wind and waves that I find making my trip so uncomfortable are the very things that I need to end up in the right place at the right time.

I was clipping along pretty good at giving a daily testimony when I read this book for authors.

It said, "Something written in haste is rarely enjoyed by the reader." ( Not exact quote.)

It has taken a few days for me to recover. Then the Holy Spirit reminded me this blog is not for the enjoyment of any reader. This is the word of my testimony.

Here it is:
My choices and actions were once interfered with by several oppressions put on me by the enemy. I wanted these oppressions to stop so I cried unto the LORD for help , and He helped.
He started sending people into my life that ignored the oppression and treated me as though I was free. When I mentioned that I might start drinking again they said ,"so, if you do, just keep on following Jesus." So instead of fearing that I would drink again, I just decided , that if it happened I would not stop following Jesus. Want to know something . I do not even want to drink anymore. I can not even think that I would want to drink anymore. But if I do , I will continue to follow Jesus . The thing is now , of course you've noticed. I am following Jesus. I doubt very seriously that He is going to go into a bar . That is pretty easy to assume , given my history with strong beverages. Although you and I know of people He has lead into bars. I am just trying to relate this problem to my current problem(s) and follow Him through this storm.
Now I am following Jesus and I assume that I am not to go into debt to go where He is showing me to go. Just like I assume that I am not going to go into a bar . Are you following my testimony here ?
On the other hand , everyone knows that you go into debt when you live in a house.
I am beginning to lean towards the same attitude for health insurance deductibles. Health insurance with a $2,000.00 deductible maybe should be looked at like a mortgage on a house. If you plan to pay it , it is okay.
So I have to go and pursue a job. My ad in the paper did not produce anyone who would pursue me. So now I have to go and pursue a job.

My word of testimony today is that I believe Jesus will not leave me or forsake me.

Can This Be ?

The LORD has blessed me to live among my own people. We have a tendency to get into a rut. How it happened that I would want to be a rut breaker, I do not know. Maybe it happened because I realised that going in a rut was what eventually became a ditch, and a ditch eventually became a gully, and a gully eventually became a Grand Canyon. Well, it could if gone over enough times.

So when I cried unto the LORD to help me out of my rut/Grand Canyon one of the first thoughts to come to me was that I needed to be able to accept a change in the way I did things.
One of the first thoughts was that to get out of that rut I would have to learn to follow the Holy Spirit. My very first thought was no wonder I had gotten into such a deep rut, I had been quenching the Holy Spirit for a very long time. Not only had I been quenching the Holy Spirit but I had been grieving the Holy Spirit and in so doing I realised that I had been denying the power of the Holy Spirit. This is not acceptable behavior in the kingdom of God so while in the midst of getting out of my rut I also sought for a new way of living. You see I had gotten out of ruts so many times only to find myself back in one again, I was ready , ready for change, ready for anything that God might want to do.

There was no clearly laid plan in my mind how God would deliver me, but I believed He was my deliverer. There was no formula that I was planning to follow except to believe that I had been created to glorify His name. There was no way that I could plan my days ahead because each day I hoped would be the day that I no longer walked in my rut. I had to say, "If the LORD wills ," to every thing because I only had a hope of His will being done in my life.

A friend suggested that I read Romans 8 as a prayer of thanksgiving to the LORD , each day. I do not know the particular translation she gave me but it seemed to be English friendly. As I would read it the words seemed easy to form into the way I was comfortable speaking. Romans 8: 1 says: There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. My thanksgiving prayer was, I thank you Father that because of Your great love for us You gave Your son to me and I believe to receive that His blood has washed all my sins away. With this cleansing power comes the added blessing that I am now in Christ Jesus , and because I am in Christ Jesus there is now no condemnation for me.

You see, I started living under the blood of the Lamb. I started wanting to give my word of testimony to the effect that there is now no condemnation for me. I began looking ahead to the day that my rut would become a flat land once again. A day that what was happening around me or to me would not shake me or slow me down. That my walk with Jesus would be more important than what was happening around me.

So when I asked people to pray for me I could not help but exhort them to expect a miracle. Some misunderstand and thought that I was demanding a miracle. When they misunderstand I did not know what else to do but say once again, "Expect a miracle."

It came to me today that my life is a little like Peter's when he had been put in prison. There was a whole group of people praying for him. Yet when the very thing that they were asking God to do on Peter's behalf , they had a hard time believing that it really could happen.

I have been in prison/rut for so long that people hardly know what to think when I ask them to pray for me as though I'm out. I will be able to follow the Spirit. Romans 8 says I can.

I am putting my hope in that God will surely allow there to be at least one young maiden to answer the door when I come out , and she will be able to convince the rest that God truly is a
God who performs miracles , even today.

Loving God Where I'm At

This word of testimony was inspired by a fellow traveller Francis Frangipane.

Loving God where I'm at means that He does not have to change a thing , and I will love Him.

Loving God where I'm at means that I will accept that every thing He has allowed will not have to be fixed, healed and explained , still I will love Him.

Loving God where I'm at means that I accept that He is able to look at me and know where I am.

Loving God where I'm at means that I can remove that cloak of fear that hides me , and love Him.

Loving God where I'm at means that I am loving Him in the present not the future.

Loving God where I'm at means that I love Him NOW !

Hope , Faith , Love

Faith requires action James tells us. Maybe it is the action that is done in hope that unleashes the faith that in turn, pours out His LOVE.

When I purpose within my heart to perform an action I hope that the LOVE of God will show through the end result . However, at the beginning my "action" may look like it is nothing .

Somewhere it is written , "do not despise small beginnings."

Zec 4: 10 Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel's hand. For these seven lamps represent the eyes of the LORD that search all around the world."

So my blog site that offers my word of testimony. The support group for parents that I have begun. The times I give someone who steals from me , more than they have taken. The times that I go and be in the company of the hard to love , due to physical assaults to my five senses. The many other small beginnings that I can see going on in my life right now !

The word of my testimony : I will not despise !

I have hope in those small beginnings , may God be glorified when His LOVE is flowing through them.

May my ability to not despise these small beginnings carry over to not despising others small beginnings. It is hard enough to build a wall. I hope to be an encouragement and never , ever despise their small beginnings.

Lead Me to the Rock that is Higher

My word of testimony today is about my real life experience. However, to protect the identity of the person in my story I will greatly change one important distinguishing feature . I will refer to this person as "poor" but she is not poor. In place of this word you could put "stinks" or "has a physical deformity that is makes her offense to look at" ,you could put has "turrets " thus she (beyond her control) says things that I would rather not hear. What ever would be the hardest person for you to be around and love , the physical reason for that , put here , in place of "poor."

Ps 3:3 But thou, O LORD, [art] a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.
My glory is His glory as the Ps describes. My purpose is His purpose , I thank Him for lifting my head and being a shield for me as I struggle to let Him help me rise above my enemies.

The enemy that I need to rise above is Pride.

The only way to do that is to humble ones self , this would seem to be going the other way , down rather than up. Yet I know that down , before the Lord is where I need to go , and lift my head up towards Him and look into His eyes.

In the post before there is a video about a person born without limbs. He has a fantastic word of testimony click the highlighted words lifewithoutlimbs . At first his parents had a hard time accepting that he had been born like this. They eventually did believe that God loved them and their son and went forward. He now believes the purpose God has for his life is in process of being fulfilled.

I want to hear the testimony of his parents. I want to know how did they get to the place that they began talking to their son as a whole person. Surely there is a way to overcome because we are admonished in the Bible to not favor the rich and give them the best seats and give a lowly seat to the poor. The man without limbs feels he is overcoming because he is able to go on and live his life for God's glory. May God bless His parents with a word of testimony that might help us who are thrust into a place such as they were.

(My story to be posted at a later date. I have to somehow re-state the events so as not to allow her identity.)

A Simply Fantastic Video , Must See !

Here is an e-mail that I sent to my friend today. She does not call me often but when she does I believe it is because the Spirit has led her. She sent me this video that you must see to be able to understand my letter. It takes about 12 minutes, so if you were in a hurry today, come back tomorrow .

Part one of the video is available by clicking the link below,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64iiIExl8C4

And part 2 is available by clicking this next link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_FxzNbXNiY

Hello friend,

I am hoping this message will find you still believing that "YOU ARE LED BY THE SPIRIT".
After years of living in condemnation I found it very difficult to live "every" day believing that.
Little by little my life has taken a 98 degree turn and I have more minutes believing than I ever did before.
So you didn't call me , because the Spirit did not lead you to call , or if you truly feel convicted ( like I do right now because I honestly have been putting off calling someone that I know I should talk to ) either way you are my friend . That means you do not have to do perfectly 100% of the time. I think we are at about the same place in our journey and the Lord is being gracious to us by letting us re-connect at times so we can encourage each other as we go along.

Our connecting point is letting go of our children.

You are doing so good !

And thank you for sending me that encouraging video. That was so awesome.

Unlike you , (or maybe you just haven't felt comfortable enough to share ) I feel responsible for my daughters and sons limbs being missing.
So it seems like an extra hard thing to get through ( to me ) mainly because I can not talk about it with people without them spending alot of time trying to convince me how wrong I am.

I would like to meet one healthy person who could look me in the face and say , "Yes, you are right. You certainly are a decendant from Adam and Eve and I imagine they spent many a night awake wondering how they could of done things differently so that Cain would not of killed Abel. "

After they got sick and tired of that though , maybe they looked at the promise that was given them .

That is what I am trying to do. And by faith in that promise , let go.

It is hard. One day I can do it and the next minute you'd think I had never even tried. I guess it is like walking in the Spirit. You just have to get up every morning believing that the Spirit will lead you and that your heart will be willing to follow. When I have to interact with my children I have to keep on believing .

Sometimes I have to repent of idolatry at the end of the day. Sometimes I have to repent of wanting to be my children's idol. I have to believe His grace is suffiecient for me and go on.

God bless you. I thought I didn't have a word of testimony for today , but I think now I do. I hope I can figure out how to get the video on there.

Right after I make that phone call I've been putting off.

Peace,
Diane

Learning Skills

I have been preparing for rain. (See the movie Facing The Giants.)

When I have a certain kind of need it makes sense to me to begin looking for ways to prepare myself for the need to be met. I need to place an ad in the paper offering my service for employment. So while at a yard sale this book about "making great ads" caught my eye. The more I read this book the more encouraged I have become about placing the ad. The author's enthusiasm and confidence is encouraging. His honesty has only helped me to enjoy his suggestions. He has a motive for writing this book . He invites his readers to send their success stories and ideas to him . He's willing to pay for them ,yet he honestly describes how he will use the material to help himself make even more money. The latter has nothing to do with my word of testimony except to point out how honesty can be an encouragement . Detailed honesty.

One of the skills I hope to achieve by sharing my word of testimony is to learn how to share the details . Honestly .

My reason for wanting to give a word of testimony is that I want to be an over comer.
Sharing the details requires more honesty . Just letting you know that I shop at yard sales was not that hard. At the same yard sale I was once again prey to the fast talking seller. I protected myself though this time. After she convincingly told me these magazines were worth so much more than what she was asking for them, I told her the truth. I said, "It doesn't matter if they are not. I figure that if you are having a yard sale you really need the money. I consider what I am giving you is a gift. " What I have to battle against is the resentment that comes up every time I remember that she must have looked them up on ebay herself. She sold them for the exact dollar amount and saved herself the time and fees for selling the same items. (However, in an auction prices can be unpredictable for either side.)

But she didn't know that little book she sold me for fifty cents would be a source of encouragement from the LORD for me. Because of that little book , today I am encouraged to prepare for rain.

Better Is One Day In Your House

I really messed up the other day when talking to another Habitat For Humanity partner family . Someone said, "she really deserves it,"(meaning the house). I said, " None of us deserve such a wonderful thing but it is a wonderful gift . " Obviously what came out of my mouth was how I feel about my gift of a Habitat house . Unfortunately I have come to see myself as a part of the "all of us" and out of my mouth came the evidence of that.
I don't know if my partner friend will forgive me for my social blunder , but if not I hope she will think on things above. One day we will have a huge glorious mansion and we will not deserve it. I see myself as being able to receive as a gift those things I do not deserve here on earth as a preparation for those days ahead when I will be walking upon streets of gold , undeservedly .

With All Your Heart

Preparing for Rain PART TWO. It is my intent to share my daily life as a word of testimony.
A short introduction would be : I and my daughter are in need . For more clarification of what our need/needs are you may want to read past blogs.

My words of encouragement today came from two stories in the Bible and one in the 20th century. Naomi and Ruth . Jonah. Miss E .

Miss E. told me of a story in her life. At the time I really wondered at her telling me it. The point seemed to be "that God does not always help. " Now I see it in a whole new light. The point is , "to obey God is more important than any other thing."

She was an Agape Land worker. Do you remember those "Bullfrogs and Butterflies" songs years ago ? Well , those people really had a zeal for doing God's will that I admire. ( There are things about every church movement that I could not admire, but why waste time on that ? )

It was made known unto this elderly saint that she was to move to another location. Now she was not only elderly but she suffered from a crippling arthritic condition so she needed help to pack. The way this saint lived her life was to do what ever God told her to do , and if she needed help she asked . She needed transportation to the new site , so she asked. It was worked out that a family was planning on taking a trip to her new location. They were leaving on a certain day and she could ride with them. Next she needed help to pack her belongings. Her hope was to take them to a bus station and have them shipped to her new destination.

Once again , she asked for help and two or three young people agreed to come and pack her belongings for her and take them to the bus station. On the designated day for them to come for some reason they did not. At the designated time for her ride to come , they did arrive.

She went with them.

She left all her stuff !

I know , maybe you are thinking that she hoped they would come later on and pack her stuff and send it. As I understood the story , she knew that wasn't going to happen. She left any way !

"But why ?" I said . "Because it was more important to me to do God's will ," was her reply.

Was she down in the dumps about losing her stuff ? I don't know. It seemed to me that she was just stating a fact. She now needed more stuff to replace her old stuff to live. What was constant was , whether she got the stuff to make her life comfortable or not , it was okay , she was going to do God's will regardless.

The other two Bible stories encouraged me today because in each one there were people who did God's will. One did what God wanted her to do but had less than a right spirit about it. One had a totally right attitude, ready to give up all to follow the true and living God. One wasn't going to do God's will , was kind of forced into it but still God was able to use him in a mighty way. It was his own attitude that made it not a joy for him.

Something else about Naomi's story stood out to me.
I think Naomi sensed that she had been chastised by God and did not like it. However, if He wanted her to go back to Bethlehem , well , okay she would go. I think she had decided more than just to go back and do God's will. I think she had decided that He would be her only God. The comfort of having two daughter in-laws she was willing to give up. Having someone love you is pretty comforting , being willing to give that up to do God's will says something about her character. Maybe suffering had produced the good character in her that we read of in Romans 5.

It wasn't until Ruth convinced her that her God would be her God also , and her only God. Then Naomi was willing to receive the comfort Ruth would bring her. She was willing to go it alone if need be , just somehow get back to where she belonged.

I have a love for the people around me , especially those who love me . Yet my God has got to be first . That simply means that I can not hang on to the comfort of getting along with people who love me , rather than do what I feel God wants me to do.
It is hard to do because I know they could be hurt .
They also enjoy the comfort of my love but unless they are like Ruth and willing to put God first in their lives , we will be taking separate roads at some point and time.

Now I have been speaking metaphorically but I also have a daughter who is arriving at the age to be on her own. Just because she moves to a separate dwelling than I, doesn't necessarily mean that she has chosen not to put God first. It may be that for God to be first in her life , she needs to be on her own.

Metaphorically I travel along the road of those whose desire is to worship God and serve Him only. I can be useful there as an encourager and builder up of the body of Christ. If they are not on that road I can let the light of the glory of Christ shine through me and hope they will desire to leave all behind. It is worth the cost, as we who live under the blood of the Lamb , and give a word of testimony and are learning to love not our lives even unto death, know.

Preparing For Rain

This word of testimony may lose some of it's impact if you have not watched the movie Facing The Giants. My favorite part in the whole movie is when the fellow tells this story to the coach. He says, "Two farmers were praying and asking God for rain for their crops. One farmer just kept praying and did nothing. The other farmer continued to pray while he started plowing his fields and planting his crop. Which farmer do you suppose had the better crop when the rain came ?"

I can tell you of many times when I was praying for help when it seemed like nothing less than a miracle would help. I can tell you of many miracles that have happened in my life time. I can recall more than a few that happened but because I wasn't prepared , the help that came was less than the glory producing act it was suppose to be.

A classic example of this in the Bible is in Exodus. When their miracle of being released from slavery came they were not ready to be free.

Today I am so thankful to have learned my lessons about preparing for rain. I am so thankful and grateful for the miracles that are happening around me all the time. Still I feel an urgency in my spirit to not stop for long , because I need to prepare for the next rain that is to come.

My daughter and I struggle with some health problems and we regularly approach God for healing and strength. Our LORD has healed us , we know this , we are anticipating that the evidence of our healing will show up any day now. It was shortly after I wrote my last blog about preparing that I realized I had failed to prepare for God to heal us.

Actually the preparing for rain requires a move of God's spirit too. Pretend with me that I could have a time machine that would take me back to the days right before the Israelites left Egypt. If I told them about the need to prepare for freedom and then just left , what good would that do ? Unless they had some idea about how to begin to prepare their hearts , it would be like handing a farmer a book about farming but giving him no tools.

It happens to me often that I feel as though I need to accept the class of kindergarten rather than gain the status of going up to another level. I don't mind a bit. My father can use me here and that is all the joy that I need. As I learn with child like acceptance how to prepare for my healing , I already know that it will help my daughter and others that I share my word of testimony with.

May God grant me the grace and strength I need to share my word of testimony. It takes a move of His spirit , for I alone can not do this.

This is why I become so excited when others share their words of testimony with me. I know that they are being empowered by the Holy Spirit to do so.

The Hearts of Children and Fathers

As I share my word of testimony today I will be laying out some scriptures for you.
This is to help you understand my testimony. I live under the blood of the lamb and by the word of my testimony . There is a perfect love that is being perfected in me that will one day manifest itself as my being able to love not my life even unto death.

How easy is it to be a Christian ? Oh easy, all you have to do is love the LORD your God with all your heart , soul and mind , and love your neighbor as yourself.

My heart , yes , well ..........I want to talk about my heart today.

2 Chronicles 11:16 And after them out of all the tribes of Israel such as set their hearts to seek the LORD God of Israel came to Jerusalem, to sacrifice unto the LORD God of their fathers.

2 Chronicles 20:33 Howbeit the high places were not taken away: for as yet the people had not prepared their hearts unto the God of their fathers.

Luke 1:17 And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.

Now we could talk in great length about the spirit and power of Elias. Much has been written about him . What has stirred me today is that I want my heart to be prepared for the LORD .

John the Baptist went about in the the spirit of and power of Elias. His job description was to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; and to make ready a people prepared for the LORD.

Now I have found that a teacher who has experienced what he teaches can actually teach. The spirit of the LORD has taught him what he learned through what he experienced . The spirit of and the power of the LORD is upon him when he can teach in the spirit of love.

I think in these last days I ought to share my words of testimonies with others as often as I can.

For everytime I share what the spirit of the LORD has taught me . I believe I am allowing the spirit to grow within me . My hope is in God's word. Romans 5 says that through the suffering I have done I have the hope of the love of Christ being shed abroad in my heart. This of course is if I have persevered and had good character worked in me.

Do I sound as if I think there is nothing wrong with me ? Please LORD how do I give this word of testimony so that people will understand ?

My heart was not turned back to my father, my children's hearts were not trained to have a heart for their fathers and now that I find it is time to be worshipping in spirit and in truth, I still have high places that have not been brought down.

Yet I believe that the spirit of Elias still lives on. My heart is open , and I am seeking and I will not be ashamed.

I will worship in as much of the spirit of truth that I can as it is a work that is being done in me.
I will not despair for the best is yet to come.

The Hour Now Is (Added on to.)

John 4:23 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

Yesterday I was talking about high places.
High places came to mean for me , those places that I thought I had reached God's approval.
A place that God approves of is not bad.

As a child I was raised in a church that worshipped God. I mean worshipped God for hours. The services called worship services were "worship services." And the intent was to worship Him in spirit and in truth.

At twenty two I realised my life was pretty much a mess and the only hope I had was that God might do something to make it better . So out of desperation I committed my life to Him. You read that right. (Much , much later did I learn the truth about receiving His forgiveness .)

So out of a sense of commitment , I set aside "worship times." I am realizing now , here in the Bible belt that others have this same kind of understanding , but it is "read the Bible." Some have the "prayer time, or quiet time."

Mine was the "worship time " and unlike the "Bible time" or "quiet time" , it can only be done with the assistance of the Holy Spirit. I am assuming my readers know there is a difference between "praise " and "worship."

To attain a "worship time" I had learned it helpful to first have a "praise time." Sometimes I finished my time set aside for worship , having only praised the LORD. But I felt good about what I had done. As I now look back upon what I did back then , I in a sense went up the mountain to worship God in high places. Yet , because it was all about "what I was doing," the HOLY SPIRIT was quenched . The Holy Spirit or the accuser of the brethren , ( I am not sure ) would tell me that I was building a tower of Babel , and that God was not pleased with that.

Then I would quit my worship times. Then I would become sad and defeated . Then I would decide that maybe what I was doing , even if wrong was better than nothing at all. So I would try again.

When the woman at the well spoke to Jesus about , some say we are to worship in the mountain and some say the temple , I think she was referring to the high places up in the mountains. I think that it had become okay to build altars and worship God up in the mountains . Now I hope I have not stepped on some historians toes and he corrects me. Even if I am wrong about that as a historical fact , the truth is I still can climb the mountain to worship God.

I try to believe God is pleased with me in my low places but , wow , give me a high place and I can take off.

Did you notice the words "can" in the last two sentences ? I can means , I can make a choice to do those things , or I can make a choice to do something else.

I rejoice today in the Truth that has set me free to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

There is no need to attain a sense of satisfaction that I have adequately carried out my commitment to please God.

I have been released from that prison cell and I am dancing with my Father God in fields of grace !

Those High Places !

Hab 3:19 The LORD God [is] my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' [feet], and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.

Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high [places].

As I have mentioned before , spiritual warfare is about believing that God LOVES us. This LOVES is far beyond what I can comprehend , yet even though I can not count the stars , I appreciate their beauty.

When God does something wonderful for me I must believe that this high place will not entertain spiritual wickedness. That pride or anything that would exalt itself would be immediately confessed as sin and that the cleansing power of the blood of Jesus would wash it away.

Surely the rich man who desires to walk humbly with God realizes that only because "with God all things are possible," he can enter the kingdom of God.

I once caught a glimpse of how pleased our Father is to have given us the victory over spiritual wickedness. Had I not caught that glimpse I probably would not have started the "by the word of my testimony blog" . Had I not caught that glimpse of God's delight in giving us life and life more abundantly , you would not be reading this word of testimony . Just think about that !

My victory is in JESUS , my saviour , how I love Him ! He sought me, and He bought me, with His redeeming blood.

That says all of my testimony today. All my sins have been washed away. I can live today as though I'd never sinned because He has washed my sins away.

I am so thankful for the people who are willing to agree with God that I am forgiven. It is such a blessing and a comfort to know that there are people who have the good news to share with me , not just by their mouths but by their willingness to convey it in so many ways.

We Got A Date (approx) and We Got A Place (approx)

THE INFORMATION
There is a wonderful organization called Habitat For Humanity that's logo is We Offer A Hand Up Not A Hand Out. After filling out an application I waited patiently to see if I was one that they would want to give a hand up to. They did ! I found this out in Jan. 2009 .
THE NOT A HAND OUT
I was not sure how I would do my part . I believed that God would guide me and strengthen me and prepare me for what would lie ahead. I learned that the Habitat For Humanity volunteers truly were willing to help me with my part. Not only did they cheer me on every time that I tried to do my part , I was encouraged by them that they appreciated my being there trying. There is a requirement of hours to be worked and a certain amount of money that the Partner Family must contribute to the organization which in turn is applied to the building of ones house. In other words I have been helping (in a small way, but the best I can ) with the building of other Partner Families homes.
THE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! THANK YOU ! To all my friends who have been praying for me. To all my friends that came out to the builds and worked. To all of my friends that offered to help in any way they could . Just as I have been working toward those needed hours my friends have also been doing what they could to help me reach the required goal. I want to note here that the persons who gave one half day and the persons who gave several days are equally appreciated by me. I think we all have been doing what we can, and just like Jesus said , about the widows mite , it meant more because it was all she had. And it is not over yet ! The half way mark has been reached or has almost been reached! This is what is required before Habitat For Humanity says, "Okay, we will be making plans to start your house on this date."
THE MONEY CAME IN
The LORD surely wanted to lift the burden I have had to raise the money for the down payment.
It has all come in and He also gave a hand up with my groceries a couple of months ago. Trying to manage my bills and save a little back each month turned out to be more than I could handle and my Tuesday night support group gave me what they call a Pounding. When other friends heard about it they joined in and pounded me to. ( It's suppose to be a pound of this and a pound of that but they didn't stick to the rule !) Ha , Ha. Now for the fun part, I can continue trying to raise money for additions for my new home, like a new washer and dryer or other things like that.
THE DATE HAS BEEN SET
They will begin building a home for me and my daughter in Feb. 2010. The weather can be pleasant in Feb. here or it can still be snowing so the exact date will be determined by the weather.
THE LOCATION
Look up there at that picture . Somewhere in that general area our house will be built to look just like all my other Partner Families homes.

I hope all who read this will rejoice with me as I and my daughter are being the recipients of a generous flow of God's love through very many individuals. As I force myself to open and receive His love I find that I in turn have a love to give. Even if for some reason the house build was cancelled I would have no problems because it is not about the house. It has been about me being able to let God love me and I finally have , more than I was before.

So when was the last time you let God love you ? Go ahead and let Him. You may not need a house . Dare to believe that what ever you need , if God agrees with you , and He can find a few willing vessels to use to help get that need to you , He will, He will go ahead and love you , yes He will !

A Sweet Savour

Happily I find that many of my friends are encountering the same kind of experience . They are willing to give a word of testimony from where they are . This shows me that there is a hope of the love of Christ being shed abroad in their hearts .
My hope is that I will learn to savour the things that be of God .
Not everyone that I know has this desire and so I can not always listen to their counsel .
The thing I seek more than counsel are others who are willing to share with me this is where they are. Their willingness to share their word of testimony with me accounts for the strength I now have in Christ Jesus. The Word is Christ and sharing their experiences in His Word is like sharing Jesus with me.
I praise the LORD for those who are not afraid to share where they are in the word.
I praise the LORD that I can look into His Word and see His love to me become clearer.
I rejoice that I am in a process of learning to savour the things that be of God.
Blessed am I for the grace given me during this time of learning.

Matt 16:23 But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.

It's Okay Where I'm At, Let Me Tell You My Plans

My word of testimony today is about the way God is showing me His answer to a question I have.
The question was about Life Coaching. Should I learn to be a life coach ?
Perhaps you know what Life Coaching is , so I will just share what I feel would be relevant to my word of testimony.

For me to live for the glory of God means to use the gifts He has given me.

Short and simple as it sounds for me it has been like digging up a hundred pound ball and then rolling it around. Oh , I thought of a good analogy , when I go bowling I always look for the ball that will slide easily off my hand at time of release and light enough that my arm won't hurt. Living for God's glory has seemed like He's asked me to bowl with too heavy a ball.

If you read my posts you know that God has been teaching me how to depend on His strength. This is vital to any thing I do for His glory. I just picture the stuff I do in my own strength as hay, wood and stubble that burns up easily and does not give Him glory.

So should I learn Life Coaching ?

My gift of being an encouragement and giving edification to the body of Christ has mostly been centered on finding the prodigal son who has left the pig sty, came back to the father , received the bath, clean robe and ring. He's heard the invitation from his father come in I've prepared a big banquet to celebrate your return. In my story the elder brother gets a chance to tell him what he thinks about his going in and celebrating the banquet . In my story that I try to share with others is that Jesus is also there saying , "Yes, go in and enjoy the banquet. "

My life has been pig sty dirty , but the father's love has drawn me home. For an awful time I became like the elder brother and insisted on earning what the father wanted to give me. I guess that is why I have compassion on the elder brothers that I see today. I know in their hearts they do not want to be like that. If only someone could help them accept that they too are loved by the father and at any moment they can exchange their self righteous garments for the real thing. All it takes is believing that it is okay , right where they are.

Just like the father heard the prodigal son's plans , he'd like to know the plans of the elder brother. More importantly he wants us to know our plans . I think that is why it is written , that they overcame by the blood of the lamb , by the word of their testimony and they loved not their lives even unto death.

I think life coaching skills might fit into what my father would have me to do .
Just like every other thing I do , it would only glorify Him if I was able to lean into the Holy Spirit and do it in His strength, not my own.

1 Th 5:8 But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.

Faith , Hope and Love

I think it was Elisha that lamented I am no better than my fathers.
I have come pretty close to lamenting that I am no better than those Corinthians.

Joyfully I report that my situation has taken a turn for the better.

I gladly report my word of testimony today with a clearer view of where I am going.

Just saying that I will not be like the Levite or Pharisee who passed by the beaten up Samaritan lying beside the road, doesn't get it with me anymore.

No I am not going to go out to the highways and the byways. There are plenty of beaten up Samaritans right in my church. They are there and they are hurting and for whatever reason this is how it is for them, Jesus has what they need .

I have been ignoring them long enough. My only excuse for such blatant anti- Christianity is that I was like the Corinthians. (Only I have not been comfortable being like a Corinthian. )
I have been struggling for weeks hoping some insight would come to set me free from my bondage of Corinthian like living.

What is going to set me free is "faith" "hope" and "love."

Romans 5:1- 5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

I want to live (by faith in) the blood of the lamb.
I want to speak a word of testimony that declares that I rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
I want to live like someone who has the love of God poured out in her heart by the Holy Spirit.

Oh, but what a weak vessel I am to do such a big job. I have just a little strength , maybe the least one in the whole kingdom of God.

I broke down this past Sunday because someone forgot all about me. I'd committed to pray until the baby was born but no one called . I was praying along at a good pace until 12:45 a.m. and then the minutes began to drag by. So I opened my Bible and decided to pray verses out of the Bible for the mother and the baby . Soon about 1:30 a.m. I decided to pray one last prayer, "Father wake me up if You need me to pray."

When I found out the next day that the baby was born at 12:45 a.m. was my first thought how gracious God was to let me know in the Spirit that it was okay to go to sleep when I did?
No, that is not the first thought. The first thought was these people do not love me. They forgot about me .

Then I thought about how tired they all must of been and just ready to go to bed themselves. Still I felt hurt. The hurt began to go away though as stories came about how difficult a night it had been for everyone.
As I prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me bring my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ , this thought came into my head. Those foolish Corinthians wouldn't believe that Paul loved them, do I want to be like them?

The answer was "no". So I need to believe that I am loved , and certainly I had proof that I was loved by Christ Jesus as the Spirit had stopped leading me to pray about the time the baby was born.

Later I remembered how many things I had said I would do for one member of the team and had forgotten to do them. Why do I have a backwards memory ? Now I remember vividly telling her about a website link that I knew of that would be helpful for her daughters homework. And there was the time I'd video taped her daughter doing something at a church event and I was going to make a copy for her.

I can open my heart up and believe that God loves me. I can believe that His people are doing as good as they can to let the love that has been poured in their hearts , pour out on me. I can pray everyday that this love I have opened my heart to accept would somehow pour itself out on them. I can stop ignoring them.

Delighted in the LORD !

Remember when I posted about wanting the Holy Spirit to empower me to be thankful ? This concept of allowing the Holy Spirit to do even those things I thought I could do without Him has really taken a hold of me.
Probably because my JOY METER was really running low and then when I started letting the Holy Spirit help me be thankful , the Joy of the LORD started returning full force.

I am so thankful to be me.
Have you ever seen a crazy , ugly , weird shaped jigsaw puzzle ? One of those irregular sided ones , and two sides , and just an ugly picture ? Yet what you see on the box looks interesting, maybe even delightful , so if you are a real jigsaw puzzle buff , you go at it.

My last post may have sounded like I think I am an ugly me with a very unpleasant past . I want you to know though I am anything but ugly to God.
The experiences that I have are for His glory ! If one wrong look from a friend can help me become convicted so that I surrender my prejudice and lack of faith for others , I say ,"Praise the LORD."

My God is so creative He can take the most unpleasant circumstance and use it for His Glory !
Not just once but a thousand times, a million times , after all He is God !

Suffering Reproach and Shame

I have a friend who overcame the sin of gluttony several years ago.
With the absence of that sin running rampant in her life she consequently lost a lot of weight.
I say consequently because sometimes the consequence of doing right is not pleasant.
Consequently she has never looked like the friend that I remember .
Consequently every time I see her I try to remember the way she use to look.
Consequently I have been trying to remember her when she sinned.
Consequently every time that months have lapsed between our visits I anticipate a set back, looking to see if she's gained some weight back.
Consequently I have been helping her suffer reproach and shame.
Consequently I have to admit it seems like a human thing to do.
Consequently I have to seek God for a more divine like love , because I see mine is stinking again.

Not to long ago I caught a look on another friend's face that told me she still remembered when I sinned. I was very hurt because I read into that look that she thought I might still be capable of doing that kind of sin again.
I thought to myself ,"she will never trust me. How can we be friends ?" At first I thought she really was not trusting Jesus , believing that He had done a work of healing in me. But the Holy Spirit showed me that may not be true.

Whenever a sin has lasted long enough in a person's life to become a stronghold it may take a while to see it destroyed. There is always that possibility that the enemy might come back around with temptation to see if he can build it up again.
Just like the initial beginnings of the coming down of that stronghold , I need to stand ready to fight a fight of faith as God's word directs me.
Well, spiritual warfare is a choice. You can do it or you can not. The scriptures encourage us to stay involved with the warfare that Christ Jesus has given us the victory over. Giving my word of testimony everyday is an evidence that I believe this is not a sit down , do nothing kind of walk with God.

But she doesn't know that about me. She doesn't know that I find great joy in participating in the victories that Jesus has won for me. And she doesn't know that I am not about to just stand around and let the enemy rebuild a stronghold that took so long to see come down.

I was feeling let down because her look did not indicate that she would be ready to help me fight temptation again. Her look said, "You better not let that stronghold get built up in your life again, or I won't have anything to do with you."

So I am planning on talking with her about that. I am planning on sharing with her how it was that the love of God shown through just a few individuals is how my stronghold got destroyed in the first place. It took a few women doing something very hard for them to do in their own strength and I know they must have surely sought the LORD to be able to express an act of love to me when this stronghold was so strong it seemed I had no control over it's force.

When I looked back and remembered what I had done , I struggled to believe that God could love me then. However, that was exactly what I needed to do , was struggle to believe and eventually I did believe and accepted that Christ died for me while I was yet a sinner . Their response to my sin helped very much, although neither of them know today what an effect it had on my life.

When I was talking to the LORD about how bad it feels to have people remember what you have done , I was reminded of Mary called Magdalene. She had to carry her past around with her too.

Luke 8:2 And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils,

She did not let what people said or thought about her past , stop her from following Jesus.

I was also convicted of putting a label like that on my friend , only in a bad way. If I can't forget what she looked like when she was heavy , maybe I can train myself to glorify God and thank Him for the victory He gave her over the stronghold of gluttony.

It has occurred to me the same might have been done to glorify God in Magdalene's case , and she bore the reproach knowing that He was being glorified for what He did for her.

I Missed The Sign !

This might seem like a strange testimony .For me to know that there was a sign could count as remarkable.
Jesus said He was glad that the truth was revealed unto babes instead of the wise and prudent. I have to agree with Him, I want to agree with Him.
My hope tonight is that not following a sign , will not matter much to the over all plan of God.

A while back I blogged about how signs follow those who are being led by the Spirit. I was trying to prepare myself for the unusual.

So now that I am being led by the Spirit , things have started happening. I know for a non Christian this whole topic must sound crazy. If I dare project what they might be saying, " Okay, the signs follow but now you are concerned because you missed a sign , that was to aid you to go the right direction ?" Well, yes.

For the Christian knows all to well that the kingdom of God is a backward , completely opposite kind of journey from what the world would think make sense.

When people steal from you , (in the kingdom) you run them down , and like if they had taken your coat , you offer them your cloak.

In the kingdom when people speak ill of you and despite fully use you , you pray for them, that is you ask for good things to happen to them.

I guess you are getting the idea , so the signs that follow when one is being led by the Spirit , they kind of confirm and point at the same time, go this way. And I just did not think fast enough to follow through.

Well, tomorrow is another day. I will once again remember that I have been empowered by the Holy Spirit to choose to not sin and follow the Spirit where ever He leads me.

Oh, I was being led to give a word of testimony actually but blundered and missed a great opportunity , for a whole group of people , maybe five to twelve . Far more than read this blog.

The word of testimony was specific to that group and I am not being led to give it here.

Rather than just sluff off though I wanted to affirm , that when I ask the Spirit to allow me to know the will of my heavenly Father , the Spirit does respond to such requests.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Give Thanks

Matt 11:25 At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.

There is a real stigma to being a babe around the wise and prudent. Yet the wise and prudent have things hid from them, on purpose by the Father. If a babe was to point out something to the wise and prudent I doubt seriously that it would be an eye opener for the wise and prudent. No matter how many times you point something out to people unless it is a truth that the Father has revealed to them , they won't get it.

There does seem to be more success in sharing the truth if it has been revealed to my heart by the Holy Spirit.

That is why I want to truly believe some thing I do will be empowered by the Holy Spirit before I do it. If I know that I am just going to do to please, I think I might look real lame to God.

I think the way I move from A to Z is by following the word.

1 Tim 2:13 For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received [it] not [as] the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.

Suffering

My word of testimony as always is a word of faith in God's word.
I read it ....I speak it .......I hear it..........I invite the Holy Spirit to give me a child like heart that will listen to Him as He helps me understand what it means and how to apply it to my life.

Sometimes the word of God is directly saying don't do like these people . Even while it is being written the words of the author expresses hope that "these people" will change from how they are doing. So I catch the Holy Spirit's teaching of how the change will happen.

Is it because someone says ,"don't do that," or because someone takes the time to help them understand how they came to do that in the first place. Giving them an idea of how to repent and go back and do this thing the right way.

My life is full of repentance. I am constantly going back and attempting to do things the right way.
The areas that I have the least repentance are the things that I have learned to let the Holy Spirit empower me to do.

Writing this word of testimony is a work of the Holy Spirit from the beginning to the end . May God be glorified as this soldier attempts daily to live under the blood of the Lamb and by the word of her testimony and love not my life even unto death.

Hebrews 5:8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;

I am encouraged today by the hope of being able to learn through the things I suffer .

As I look through God's word the Galatians were asked , "Have you suffered in vain?"
The Corinthians evidently could not grasp the purpose of suffering. They were all upset because they were suffering and they were blaming Paul. He spends who knows how many hours of trying to help them understand how to respond to their suffering so it will not be in vain.

I think history indicates they never did "get it."

I got , that I wasn't getting it either , a while back as the pastor of my church is teaching weekly from the book of 2 Corinthians. As helpful as it was to see "what" they were not getting, it felt a little like having a blind fold taken off my eyes and realizing that I too was dangerously close to a very steep cliff and a wrong step could throw me off into who knows what .

Now that I am beginning to understand that suffering always has a purpose , I not nearly as afraid as I was. I am learning and not nearly as afraid because what I am learning is that God's love is underneath and above , beside and all around me .

As I put my trust in Him I can be sure that He will help me understand , how to not let my suffering be in vain.

Unlike the Corithians I realize that Jesus did not come to give us a better life than He had.

He came to give us the same.

I Am Perfect And There Is Nothing About Me That I Need To Change

According to God's Word I am being perfected in Christ Jesus. My perfectness will come through Him and from Him , therefore there is nothing that " I " need to change.

He has been given the authority and the power to do all things.

My need to change myself has just been terminated.

He is Lord of my life , therefore He will see that the work He has begun in me will be completed .

This one thing I can tell you for sure . He is not lazy ! He is not a procrastinator ! He does not quit when I whine ! He has all things worked together for my good . He saw me at the beginning and He knows my endless life with Him .

So today when I thanked Him for empowering me to eat like a thin person today , I knew that He saw me already thin. He sees me as a person freed from the sin of gluttony because He knows that He has already done the work needed for me to be perfected in Him.

I can share a word of testimony today that is the result of someone else sharing a word of testimony with me .
This person has a desire to see me as Jesus does.
Yesterday I went to be her helper to set things up for an activity involving a large community of people . I went thinking , "I am her last resort. Surely she wishes that she had other people to help her to set up today." So as we started in I was hoping that she would be encouraged when I told her that I had prayed and asked the LORD to help me be able to do what she asked , and that she would only have to tell me one time. "

Would you like to know what she said ? She said, "Diane , you do just fine." I then interrupted her and said ,"I know I just need to not worry about what people think! "
And then she said, " Diane I want you to listen to me . You are perfect and there is not one thing about you that you need to change. "

The reason this has meant to so much to me is because I know this person is believing in the same LORD and Saviour I do . Now I also know she knows Him as the One Who does the work in us.

So many people who say that they believe Jesus is their saviour , still act as though "they "need to work on their own perfecting. This gives me the idea that they expect me to work on my own perfecting . This is where I get all messed up because if I am suppose to do it , how can I let the LORD do it ? There is not room enough for me and God to work on me.

Diane has left the building ! Now LORD , You can build the house and I know that I will not labor in vain.

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Psalms 127 :1 [[A Song of degrees for Solomon.]] Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh [but] in vain.

By The Blood of The Lamb

My word of testimony has turned into a quest to be an over comer. There is a lot to each of the three signs that the over comers are given in Revelation .
What I have found is that it is not intended that I pick out one and do that for a while, then pick out another. Actually it is a three fold arena that I am to walk into all at once.
I had stopped writing a word of testimony for a while because I had felt like a failure .
Then I saw that I would only be a failure if I gave up. Once my perspective was aligned up with God's word , life became a joy to live again.
This makes for a better atmosphere for a word of testimony to be sure.
Some word of testimonies that I would like to share on line might bring discomfort for some people that I care about very much. So let me make a summarizing statement that covers several individuals and several different situations.

I have been seeing God work in their lives like I have never witnessed before. It is so exciting to visit with people now that have a word of testimony too.

In my own life I am also excited to see that God is working, leading, helping, encouraging, empowering me, loving me, helping me think soundly more than ever before.

I am just finishing up a 12 unit Bible study and had an idea that when this was done I should go back to another study that I had stopped in the middle of to start this one.
As I was completing this last lesson a section was devoted to the importance of waiting on the Lord. The scripture in the margin to back up what they were saying was found in Ps 130.
Suddenly it occurred to me that perhaps my Bible Study that I had set aside for awhile might be teaching on Ps 130. It had been so long since I had looked at it I could not remember. It is the Stepping Up Study by Beth Moore. When I found my book it just seemed right, I stopped a few pages short of finishing Ps 129 , close enough I think to go ahead and begin on Ps 130. The two studies just seem to tie into each other.
What a gracious loving God I serve. He brings me comfort in so many ways.

Who Am I in Christ Jesus ?

For the past few testimonies I have been talking about doing things in the power of the Holy Spirit. The one area I have wanted this truth to be applied to my life is being thankful.

You see I realized that if I want the power of the Holy Spirit to be the power that turns me away from following my sinful nature then I better be letting the Holy Spirit work full time. To say to the Holy Spirit, "that's okay, I can do this without You," and then holler help when I could not do things without Him , just is not going to work.

He is not like water that comes out of a faucet. Turn on, turn off. No .


Now that I have started letting the Holy Spirit turn me towards thankfulness my joy has been restored. After all the kingdom is " righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost." When I started losing my joy , I knew it was because I was quenching the Spirit. It took me a while to figure out how to quit it.



For me following the Holy Spirit is like an adventure. Sometimes I feel as though I have been lifted up and see the big picture. My hopes get all stirred up when I realize that I will someday be a part of the bride of Christ. I can just imagine what a wonderful husband Jesus will be ! He'll never tell me I did a lousy job cooking the pork chops. He will be pleased with me every day. I really am looking forward to being with Jesus , full time.



Then I realize I have to day to live , here in this world.

Jesus said, "be of good cheer , I have overcome this world."

Now Jesus must have known that His overcoming the world would be a reason for me to be of good cheer. It must have something to do with that since I belong to Him , everything He has is mine.



The way that I see myself able to receive all that He has for me , will not be by something I do.

The way that I can receive what He has for me will be by me being empowered by the Holy Spirit .

There is nothing that I will be able to say that I have done myself.

The very fact that I want to be with Him is because He wanted me . The very desire I have for Him was produced by His own great love that He poured out on me .


Who I am in Christ Jesus is Forgiven and Free.

In The Name of Jesus

Col. 3:12-17 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

I have a desire to do these things in the power of the Holy Spirit ,even being thankful . I was brought up to be a smiler. Oh you just don't know what an obedient child I was.
I thought smiling must be the answer to everything. If I smiled even Satan would go away. A false teaching I now realize so I am now not to concerned about smiling. I am more concerned about doing what I do in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Being thankful can appear like smiling. "Thank you," I can say, without much thought. However, am I thankful ? Do I just say , "thank you" to be polite or obedient ? Can the thankful heart that the LORD desires be a put on , kind of thankfullness ?

Since it is an order for the elect of God the Holy Spirit is sure to be able to help me do what my flesh does not want to do. I can chose to be thankful and then fall back into the Holy Spirit to help me follow through with my choice. Kind of like learning to float on water , maybe.
When I fall back believing for the Holy Spirit to empower me to be thankful , rather than I doing it in my strength I think I must believe in the power of the name of Jesus.

This is what the verse says , "do all in the name of the LORD Jesus." His name holds power and authority for those who believe.

Expectations

My thoughts affect my feelings and my feelings can affect my actions. I would say when I am most at ease and living the abundant life Jesus gave me the thoughts , feelings and actions are all going the same way.

When I am aware that my thoughts are not going the way that Jesus would be thinking I can choose to have my thoughts brought captive to the obedience of Christ , or not.

I do not want to go with the "or not" but the doing of bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ can sure be a chore , sometimes.

I praise Him that I do not have to do this single handedly. The power of the Holy Spirit is within me and empowers me to bring those thoughts around.

I could say that I expect the Holy Spirit to empower me but that would be a false statement.
I have faith in God's word and believe the Holy Spirit will empower me , this is true.
That means when I put faith in God's word to be thankful , I knew I was building a house on a firm foundation .

So what does this mean that I can expect ? Nothing.
Expectations really have no place in the spirit led Christians life. There is no , if you follow this you will get this.

There is , if I follow Jesus I'll live the life and purpose for which I was created. How that will look to myself or other people is purely speculation.

I've had some experiences lately that has made me realize that I better go back and look again at my foundation. While taking a good look at what I was thankful for , and what I was not thankful for , I realized that I had put a lot of expectations into this equation that really may not fit.
On the other hand by realizing that I will (by choice) be thankful "in" the situation I will have what I have always wanted.

A life that glorifies Jesus.

On Sundays my pastor is teaching out of 1 & 2 Corinthians. Over and over I hear how Paul is writing a letter to these people and trying to help them understand some thing . Paul's love for these people is evident as he labors over and over again with his words to help them understand a thing that they don't. He tells them quite honestly your actions are an indication that you do not understand. If you understood your actions would be different. He is telling them the truth in love.

If I could understand how he was able to make this statement :
1 Cr 1:4 I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ;
I could then proceed on with my life as God intended.
I am glad that over and over again He brings me back to this place. Hopefully I will not take off this time with a false expectation or a delusion of some kind.

David Gusik says ,"Paul is sincerely thankful for God's work in them. " This reminds me of Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

Who Has The Light Today?

Since I have begun sharing more life experiences I feel that my word of testimony is becoming more to what the Holy Spirit wants from me.

The "word" is the word of God and the "testimony" is how I see it being experienced in me.

I see that the word being experienced by me it is then living in me.

So if I all I can take is one word and experience it , this would be better than sharing five words that I can not.

If the only word I can say is , "I have a thankful heart " this does not sound like a very interesting testimony to me.

Col 3:16 Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.

However to one who is troubling over the lack of understanding they have , it might be very interesting , especially if they are aware of what Romans 1:21 says..

Romans 1:21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified [him] not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

This is my word of testimony . I can see that even though I had set my heart to glorify God but became unthankful my vain imaginations started taking over. Even though I had once enjoyed having the eyes of my heart opened the darkness was coming in , due to a lack of thankfulness.

I have a friend that shared a word of testimony about thankfulness with me yesterday.
She said that when she realized that she did not have to be thankful "for" all things but thankful " in " all things , she was comforted.

Her sharing brought comfort to me too.

I am also trying to be aware of what I am truly thankful for or not. Those things that I am not thankful for I am taking to God and saying "Here is thing I am not thankful for. Please help me with this. I know the power of the Holy Spirit is available to help me here. Please help me receive His help. " Then I go back to being thankful for what I can be thankful for. There are a lot of things on this list that that the Holy Spirit has helped me to be thankful for. A lot of ugly things that I wondered how I could ever be thankful for, the power of the Holy Spirit moved me into place with God's word.

Oh, This Is Perfect !

Eph 4:12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

Living under the blood of the Lamb, by the word of my testimony and loving not my life unto death seems way out there to me. Especially since I know where I am in this loving not my life unto death part.
However, I can remember a day that I was not living under the blood of the Lamb nor was I living by the word of my testimony. The only way these things became a reality for me was to head towards them .
Once I found this was what I really wanted to do , a lot of help came . I found other believers who believed that they also were to live under the blood of the Lamb. I found a few more who believe that the word of our testimony is just as important. I've found a small number who are just about where I am ,wanting to love not our lives even unto death .

So I share what light I have on the subject. They share what light they have. As we share this seems to produce more light for us. This sharing of the light I think is also a word of our testimony. This talking about the light that we have I think aids us to come to a sense of balance so that we can then walk in this light. The more I try to walk in the light , even if I fall down , the better it is for my spiritual growth process.

I have wanted to talk this week about the perfecting of the saints.

2 Cr 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Jesus was answering Paul's request to have an affliction removed from him. And then Paul says , "He will most gladly ..................(read above passage.)

I think I am beginning to catch on to why he could say , "most gladly. "

The other night my daughter and I attended a home group fellowship. I commented on how one way I saw to begin to change from following the flesh was to be thankful for all things. As an example I talked about wanting to be thankful while being the passenger when my daughter learns how to drive.
My daughter at first thought my comment would infer to the group that I thought she was a bad driver. So she said something relevant to that . Then she thought a minute and she said, "My mom has issues. "

She knows that is right. It is not about her driving. She is doing well for the amount of practice that she's had. It is about her mom having issues.

The unhealthy fear I have about riding with her is because of my issues. I am not looking forward to someday getting in the car and no fear. Because some fear is healthy. A certain amount of fear will keep me on my toes so to speak.

If I did not confess it to anyone , maybe no one would know that I have an unhealthy fear that I am trying to overcome. Almost everyone suspects that I just have an overly sensitive healthy fear and even though it keeps me grabbing at my seat and pushing the imaginary brake on my side, we'll make it.

And make it we will. For those who are traveling with me in this journey of how to love not our lives unto death they know that an unhealthy fear quenches the Holy Spirit . We believe that it is by the power of the Holy Spirit that we move on into this giving of our lives . I am talking about being the same kind of Christian that Paul was.

He most gladly would rather glory in his infirmities that the power of Christ might rest upon him.

I started telling the LORD that I wanted to be thankful for all things. I have been thanking Him all week for all things that I was thankful for . I especially would start a prayer of thanksgiving when I began to feel the fear and dread of yet another driving excursion to come.

I do not know when He will chose to heal me of my issues but I am believing that His grace is sufficient for me. I also believe that His strength is made perfect in weakness. I most gladly then am glad that I have a weakness for His strength to be made perfect in.

Made perfect infers there is a progress to this process. I am not planning on keeping the weakness just because I am thankful for it. I believe that I will see these weaknesses in me replaced by His power .

Be It Unto Me

Luke 1:38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

My word of testimony is a work in progress.
I have been talking about doing things not in my power but in God's power.
I pointed out a particular task that I know I must do but at this point still unable to do with out fear and dread.
I don't mind telling you what the task is but I certainly wish I could talk in generalities about it to other people.
Unfortunately when I tell them what the task is they do not seem to hear that I am wanting to do this in God's power.
They do not hear that I was feeling like a total failure because I was/have been doing it in my strength.

The "was feeling like a total failure" is just a few days ago and I do not want to go back there.

I do not feel like a total failure today because I see this is a work in progress. For one thing I realized to walk in the Spirit I have to chose to not walk in my flesh. Rather than take one giant step into the task and find that I can not do it in the Spirit , I have decided to take a smaller step.

My flesh certainly does not want to be thankful for this situation, however my spirit does want to be thankful.
My spirit wants to be thankful because I have asked the Father to help my will to line up with His word.

So now when ever I remember I must do this task , I chose to thank Him for the situation.

I wish I could thank Him just naturally but right now I am having to make a definite choice of my will to thank Him.

I am careful to thank Him also for all the things that come to my mind that He has done.
I realize this is bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ.
This one small step requires that I do it in His power. I could not be thankful that He is God and I am not , in my flesh. My flesh wants to be the boss you know.

But His Spirit does dwell within me and does give me the power to turn away from what my flesh wants to do .

My spirit and the Holy Spirit wants to be thankful for all things. I start where I can , in the Spirit and go as close to the task , that I do not want to do, as I can in my mind.

I try not to think about what will happen if I do not get this right soon.

I do think about what doing this task but with a wrong attitude , (which will quench the Spirit, ) will produce.

I remember a story about Moses' wife , Zipporah . Moses told her she must obey God and perform a task that she did not want to do. Well , she did it, however it was plain that she did not do it with a right spirit. In Exodus 4:25b she says, Surely a bloody husband [art] thou to me.

So with Zipporah being the least person I want to be like and Mary being the most like I want to be like I find myself on scale somewhere in between.

Not quite like Mary , but going that way. Choosing not to be like Zipporah and just do it and choosing to be like Mary who held the hope of a promise in her heart.

She endured many unpleasantness's because of her choice. Yet she believed that what was told her would happen.

A Word of Testimony

My days have been full of uncertainty about many things. My attempt to fast ( a money fast) had been failing. Things were looking bleak and then they looked as though they could get worse than ever.
Above every thing else that I was trying to do , but could not do successfully , hovered this horrible awful fear.

There had been assigned to me , by a person , to do a task. I knew he was right to assign this task to me but every time I tried to do it, I was afraid. A horrible , horrible fear would grip me .

I began dreading the next time I would have to do this task.

The dread of knowing I was going to have to do this task , coming up, even the next day, would ruin the very day I was thinking about it.

No wonder my joy was beginning to slip a way from me. It has been a horrible 3 or 4 weeks.

I can not remember exactly when this started , but it was only getting worse and worse.



Finally I decided fear was a sin and I was going to start confessing my sin to God. While I was at it I decided I'd confess all kinds of other sins too.



The hard part about confessing a sin to God is that it must be done humbly. I must admit that all sin can only be blotted out by His Son's blood and that I myself can not remove my sin for Him.



I know my parents meant well when they taught me to be sorry for something I did wrong. This is how most situations were addressed. "Are you sorry ?" "Yes" "Are you going to do it again ?" "No."
So what I learned about being sorry was , don't do it again. But with God it is not be sorry , don't do it again , in your power. It is be sorry and don't do it again in His power.

Even better is receive His grace for having done the sin , He has forgiven me.
That means the fear I have while riding in the passenger seat as my daughter learns to drive. Some times fear is healthy. What if I become so calm that I forget she still is learning to drive so I don't look to see if she has noticed the up coming stop light ?

However, this miserable existence that I had made for myself had to stop.
Finally I said to the LORD, "I know I should not be afraid. I know that it is a sin. I know that I have asked You to take this sin away. "

Then I thought about what really was making me so miserable. It wasn't the fear. It wasn't the list of things that I felt I should do but just couldn't do. It was that I was pulling back from Him. I was projecting that He should be waiting for me to say , "I'm sorry and I won't do it again." He was not doing that , this was my projected opinion of how a righteous and just God would be responding to my mess.

I told Him that I wanted to praise Him. I did not ask Him if it was alright. I just decided that He was worthy, is worthy and would always be worthy of my praise.

I know to obey is better than sacrifice. However, since I can not obey , I will continue to try , I will praise Him. He is still doing great . It is me with all the mess.
I will praise Him when I remember that I have to ride in the car with my daughter.
I will praise Him when I remember how much I dread it and how afraid I am.
I will praise Him when I am not sure if I am going to be able to stick to the money fast.
I will praise Him when the list of I shoulds don't get done today.

He is still doing a great job. I praise Him for creating the heavens and the earth. I praise Him for loving me. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart to see His light. I praise Him for opening the eyes of my heart and giving me power to turn away from the power of Satan. I praise Him for His river of forgiveness that runs beautiful and deep for me to drink of. I praise Him for the inheritance that I have along with all the saints who are sanctified by their faith in Him.

Also I have decided to read Psalm 91 at least once a day.

Praying God's Word

When I ask the Holy Spirit where am I in the word , the answers make sense to me. Not because it is theologically correct or going to line up with any one's (even my own) ideas about what the Spirit is really saying in these passages.
However, this is where my joy in the Holy Ghost comes from. These passages of scripture come to me and day after day I see them as a light unto my path. A very great help in time of need.

My greatest need , He cares about. When I hear the Spirit's comforting words I am caught up in Him.

Isaiah 42: 5-7 Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein: I the LORD have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, [and] them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.

The above verses are the vision statement for the church I attend.