Be It Unto Me

Luke 1:38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

My word of testimony is a work in progress.
I have been talking about doing things not in my power but in God's power.
I pointed out a particular task that I know I must do but at this point still unable to do with out fear and dread.
I don't mind telling you what the task is but I certainly wish I could talk in generalities about it to other people.
Unfortunately when I tell them what the task is they do not seem to hear that I am wanting to do this in God's power.
They do not hear that I was feeling like a total failure because I was/have been doing it in my strength.

The "was feeling like a total failure" is just a few days ago and I do not want to go back there.

I do not feel like a total failure today because I see this is a work in progress. For one thing I realized to walk in the Spirit I have to chose to not walk in my flesh. Rather than take one giant step into the task and find that I can not do it in the Spirit , I have decided to take a smaller step.

My flesh certainly does not want to be thankful for this situation, however my spirit does want to be thankful.
My spirit wants to be thankful because I have asked the Father to help my will to line up with His word.

So now when ever I remember I must do this task , I chose to thank Him for the situation.

I wish I could thank Him just naturally but right now I am having to make a definite choice of my will to thank Him.

I am careful to thank Him also for all the things that come to my mind that He has done.
I realize this is bringing my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ.
This one small step requires that I do it in His power. I could not be thankful that He is God and I am not , in my flesh. My flesh wants to be the boss you know.

But His Spirit does dwell within me and does give me the power to turn away from what my flesh wants to do .

My spirit and the Holy Spirit wants to be thankful for all things. I start where I can , in the Spirit and go as close to the task , that I do not want to do, as I can in my mind.

I try not to think about what will happen if I do not get this right soon.

I do think about what doing this task but with a wrong attitude , (which will quench the Spirit, ) will produce.

I remember a story about Moses' wife , Zipporah . Moses told her she must obey God and perform a task that she did not want to do. Well , she did it, however it was plain that she did not do it with a right spirit. In Exodus 4:25b she says, Surely a bloody husband [art] thou to me.

So with Zipporah being the least person I want to be like and Mary being the most like I want to be like I find myself on scale somewhere in between.

Not quite like Mary , but going that way. Choosing not to be like Zipporah and just do it and choosing to be like Mary who held the hope of a promise in her heart.

She endured many unpleasantness's because of her choice. Yet she believed that what was told her would happen.