I Live By Faith

Who am I ? A house cleaner , a mother , a church attender , a .......................
The list could go on and on. As a person who once placed their self worth on doing things right , I realize how I had lost my identity. I could not tell you what I really liked to do. I couldn't see my self , by my self . Every attempt to view the real me was always based on the projection of how others viewed me and that would be what "job" they thought I was. To tell you what I really liked to do was based on what I thought would help me do my job better .

Then the light came on and I began to see all this as making myself a self made idol. How well I cleaned a house , how well my children did , how much I knew about God , .......................... was in fact what I wanted people to see , and I wanted very much for it to be good.

Fortunately for me , the light in my life has come gradually. For every bit of light , I have been given opportunity to walk in it , then more light was given . So my journey did not start yesterday. With my word of testimony I talk about the light I have to walk in to today.

Sometimes it seems as if I am being asked to walk through a room that has barely enough light to help me navigate around couches, big chairs and little foot stools. Still I want to try. Every time I try , even when I make mistakes, or fall down, I learn that the God I serve is glorified .
He would rather I took the talent He has given me and do something , rather than nothing.

What began as a desire to be in right relationship with the Holy Spirit has brought me to the place that I am this morning. I talk about following the Spirit , and I do, by faith I do. As Romans 8 tells all who believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God can choose to follow the Spirit.
What about my relationship with this Spirit ? What is it suppose to be like ? ( I still have this desire to have it right , but God's way, not my own.)

All of these words of testimony lead to live my life God's way. I sense that His Way is not to serve Him as others serve other gods. He wants connection , He wants love , He wants to be my only God .

At times I would pray this prayer. Heavenly Father , I ask that You would help me to not grieve the Holy Spirit , or quench the Holy Spirit , or deny the power of the Holy Spirit , or lie to the Holy Spirit . In Jesus name I ask Amen.

These four things I found in the Bible to not do. The "to do " I think is found in this passage . Once again I remind myself that it is better to try to walk in the light rather than sit and do nothing because I am afraid that I won't do it "right".

The word of my testimony today is Gal 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

His Banner

I feel so released from a lie that the enemy had told me ! Truth has power ! It is worth the time it takes to seek the truth ! Truth that it is revealed by the Holy Spirit comes not from man a lone. It may be the good news that man brings but it is the Holy Spirit that brings that news to light and gives it the power to set captives free.

While a light burning can become brighter and brighter , truth can become more powerful as I let the Holy Spirit have it to make real to me. It is God's desire that I glorify Him. It is the enemies desire that I don't . He uses many tactics to accomplish his goal. My King and LORD uses many ways to show me the enemy is defeated, under the feet of my LORD.
The choice is mine , every day . If I choose to give God glory , so be it. When I choose to give God glory I am saying in my heart , "I believe that God can bring His glory forth through me. I will not hide. I will believe. "

One tactic the enemy has wanted to use to convince me to hide , has been shame. Once again I am faced with the opinion of man , that a lot of times agrees with the opinion of the enemy , instead of God the creator of heaven and earth.

Since this new light has begun to come on in my life and reveal the truth about shame , I have been amazed at how accustomed I had been to accepting shame.
The other day some one was telling a real life story about his self. He stated " I don't think I should tell this. " After he was done, I agreed , "I don't think you should have told that." Just why did I say that ?

Because of shame. It has become a customary thing to not talk about mistakes or sins because of shame. Even as a God fearing , Bible believing Christian , who has been redeemed by the blood of Jesus , I hesitate to let my brothers and sisters say what they will , because of shame.

This is because even when Truth becomes real , the enemy doesn't stop. He wants to quench this fire light , not let it get brighter. So I have to practice believing. I have to learn to think new thoughts and learn to act on what I believe.

For some reason I have felt like I need to put a banner up in front of my house. Like a flag of the United States that is put in front of a building showing those inside are citizens of the US. I feel like I need to show a banner saying , "I am redeemed. "

I am not sure I will find an exact scripture to support this , but I found one that shows Jesus desires to declare a statement over me with a banner. He desires to seat me at a banqueting table and a banner over me would say "LOVE" .

My word of testimony today is Sgs. 2:4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me [was] love.

Redemption for Shame

My word of testimony today is Ps 107:2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say [so], whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;

I am learning to enjoy the benefits that God has given me. I feel sure this is what He wants me to do. I base that feeling on the knowledge that it cost Him a lot to give these benefits to me. He is glorified when I receive what He paid such a great price for. He is exalted by the glory that is revealed by the benefit that I am able to receive.

My word of testimony today is a new practice of mine. After so many years of believing that I should be ashamed, it is taking practice to believe that I should not. As I read Ps 107 I can almost hear the conversation and the admonishment of the LORD , do not be ashamed !
I hear, "You did this, got you in trouble, you cried out to the LORD, He heard you and delivered you out of your trouble, because you are His redeemed ! "

The redeemed should not be ashamed ! The redeemed are His , those He responds to when they call up0n Him. What a blessing to be His !

Do I want to stop being an idolater ? Do I want to stop wanting others to idolize me ? Yes , I do.

Am I glad that when I realize I have gotten myself into a bad place because of my sinful life style that I can call upon Him and He will deliver me out of my distresses ? Yes , I am. One more thing let me add on to being glad about. I do not have to be ashamed.

Bless Me

My word of testimony today is Gen 28:12 And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven: and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.

When I read the story around this event in the Bible I find that God took the time to give Jacob confirmation that if He would be Jacob's God that He would bless him.

As I want God to be my only God I think that I also am blessed. Every time the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, becomes brighter, I look up to God and say , "thank you." It is just such a different life than I use to live. Freedom is way to describe it. I once was bound to man's opinion and what man wanted me to do. I now can enjoy the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Freedom , joy , peace, now I have a life. Now I really live.

I am not sure why I was drawn to read about Jacob's ladder today. Maybe it was to remind me that I have found the Way to God and I do not have to ask to be blessed. I am blessed. All that the Father has is mine , all my needs , and all that I desire , right there for me to enjoy.

Every day He confirms to my heart that I am blessed. Since I live for His glory all that I desire is that, all that I have bless Him and glorify His name.

Truth In Love

Gal 5:26 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

My word of testimony today is that I am Christ's and I am learning to crucify the flesh with its passions and desires. I know why Paul felt it important to give this instruction to the Galatians. If the Galatians were so bent towards doing things "right" (like me) then the pride that immediately follows from doing something "right" always pops up, (if they were like me.) That is why it is so important to me to do things in love. I am tired of doing things "right" only to find out that it is hay, wood and stubble to God. I would rather have something I do take a long time and it truly be a manifestation of the fruit of love. Surely a good work that is done in this way will be profitable to the kingdom of God. He has had enough hay , wood and stubble from me. I hope with all my heart to bring Him some gold.

The truth that has been worked into my life with love , brings forth the fruit I have always wanted. God's love plants the seeds. God's love waters the seeds. God's love brings forth the increase. Anyone that has a desire for God also has a desire for more of God. Like any relationship it can grow in the direction of my desire.

Envy might be a tempter towards idolatry. I found myself envious of other's who have nice hair dos the other day. I began to think, "Surely being ugly for Jesus ," is not right. I must have a nicer hair do. Then I remembered ," man looks at the outward appearance , but God looks at the heart." That is all good and fine but what if God is not helping other people see my heart ? Then I thought , "Lord, let me see what You would see. "

I love His truth in love.

He sees a heart that wants Him to be it's only God. To worship Him and serve Him only. He sees a heart that longs to praise Him in everything I do. He sees a heart that is uncomfortable with pride and resists the temptation to pull away from Him even when I sin. He sees my bad hair day in my heart and today He sees me say , "I don't care." "I throw down that fleshly idol. I remove it from my heart."

His Glory

My word of testimony today is 2 Cr 4: 17 & 18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

For many years I had this scripture written out and placed where I could see it first thing every morning. I remember getting up every day, reading this scripture, going through my day , and constantly looking forward to night again , so I could sleep and escape my miserable life. Before I would close my eyes I would pray that perhaps I would have a good dream and thus have some happiness in my life. When I talk about depression now , I talk about it as one who had spent time in prison. The memories are not pleasant but I am glad that I do not forget.

Every now and then , usually at least one time a day , I look up and smile at God and say, "thank you, I just felt happy, thank you so much." The truth I share as my word of testimony today is that God's word does not return void. Even though I did not feel happy , I did not feel joy except in brief encounters of His presence , I did not have any evidence that what I felt was making me miserable would change, there was a weight of glory being produced.

Today I am faced with a light affliction. It seems to be on a scale of lightness going to just that place before I can not be happy if it gains one ounce more. However, every time it just about tips the scale and my happiness becomes quenched , I remember the race that I am running for His glory. I realize that for every second that I respond to the problem the way that Jesus would it is producing a weight of glory that I will know about eternally . For all eternity a light will shine through me that will glorify God. I have the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ to show me how to respond to my problems in such a way that a weight of glory will be produced.

How cool is that ? I can only be happy then. This problem becomes a blessing as I see it as a glory producing agent for my LORD. This problem is really at my feet as I use it to go on and run this race , for His glory.

Speaking The Truth In Love

The One Who knows me best , loves me most.

Two weeks ago I began a 12 week Bible Study Workbook by Pat Springle titled Untangling Relationships . It was not long after I began reading that the Holy Spirit began convicting me of idolatry. Unfortunately the spirit of condemnation has wanted to walk in the same door. This problem with condemnation has been an ongoing problem with me .

Finally today I told God I needed to hear from Him but I was aware that the condemnation was compelling me to pull back from Him.

And so He showed me the picture of the woman at the well. What He said to her, He is willing to say to me. Yes, a part of the conversation brought out the truth. She was living with a man, not married. Truth for me , I am an idolater and I want to be an idol for others .
There is another story where Jesus talks to the woman the Pharisees wanted to stone for adultery. Jesus tells her He does not condemn her, go and sin no more.
But this codependency thing is so tricky. I can go along thinking that I am helping people from a truly right motive , and then all of a sudden it shows up to me, that no , I did not have a right motive. How can I say to Jesus I will go and not sin ?

I think the answer comes from the place that I have learned about other addictions.

First of all it is impossible to do this thing without God. Backing away from Him is never the answer. I must receive His grace , which means that He is willing to love me and treat me just the same . What I am planning on doing today , has a right motive or what I am planning on doing today , has an undercover motive of idolatry/wanting to be an idol . When I receive His grace it means I believe He will love me and treat me just the same , regardless of my motive. It is this hard concept about His character that I must receive. His love is unconditional .

Second , I prepare to live my life without sin. I study this workbook about codependency and I meditate on the scriptures from the Bible. I do not claim to be something I am not . I claim to be preparing to be a person who does not sin against God. I will look at myself with truth in love because this is the way Jesus is looking at me.

My word of testimony revolves around my request that He be glorified.

Matt 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Blessed be the LORD Who brings forth His glory through me .

And Now I See

My word of testimony for today is 2 Cr 4:6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to [give] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

With my testimony today I give praise to God for the light He has shined in my heart. His light that He so graciously chose to shine in my heart I praise Him for and thank Him for.
The more I appreciate and thank Him for this light the more He gives me !

I have wished with all my heart that I would not make mistakes that cause problems for other people. Only I alone can know the depths of that desire . It may sound like a wish that even God would consider granting . The God Who created the universe and Who can do all things well , has chosen not to grant my request and I do make mistakes that cause problems for others.
With great delight I can tell you of a request that I am sure He will grant.

"Glorify Thy name Lord." It is easier to say , "Glorify Thy name Lord, " when I do what appears to be right. The same faith that I put in action when I did that right thing can also be applied to my mistakes. After all He is the One Who brings forth the "glory." Take my mistake and glorify Thy name I believe is a request that He will honour.

With my word of testimony today I also give praise to the One who promises to give me the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
What stood out to me today was "the knowledge" part of this promise. I think that God is willing give me knowledge for the purpose of glorifying His name.

I have asked Him for knowledge and understanding about a great many things. Without even connecting at times for what reason I was asking for this knowledge. When I say, "Father, I have need of this ..................." I know He hears me. I now thank Him for the knowledge of what to do with what I have been given , that it will glorify God in the face of Jesus Christ.

I think that "in the face of Jesus Christ" means that Jesus' life gave us this light so we might glorify God. Jesus lived His life out loud for the Father. He was intent on our being able to know the Father through His actions. It requires knowledge from the light shone in our hearts to know how to look at Jesus' life and discern how we can glorify God.

However, let me remind myself one more time. It is God who brings forth the glory.

For His Glory

My word of testimony today Rev 14:7 Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters.

Giving all glory to him comes from the understanding that all things come from Him. A good place to start is with creation . Understanding that with His word all came into being , creates within me a reverence and a fear. I enjoyed watching Earth the other day on the big screen. Huge pictures captured a glimpse of His workmanship . That this creator of all things knows how many hairs are upon my head and wants me to know Him just fills my heart with delight.

Lately I have been making some mistakes. Yet He has not changed His mind about wanting me to follow Him. He has not given up on me. In fact the mistakes really are not bothering Him as much as I thought at first. Yes, there is a big picture to consider , and if I just continue making these same mistakes , the fruit He would expect to be on the vine , will not be there.

However, my quest right now is to give Him all glory for what is here.

How Fast Is Fast Enough ?

I have skipped leaving my testimony for a few days. The understanding for "where am I?" has needed to catch up with "the where I am." I have a testimony for understanding but that was yesterdays news so here is today's word of testimony.

I run a race each day that is to bring glory to God.

Just how well do I need to do ? As a man thinketh so is he. If I judge myself too harshly I will automatically judge others by the same measure. Yet, I am aware of "a just God." Do I want to cut myself slack and end up in a very fiery end ?
Since I know that I will be judged according to how I judge others , I want to be fair about the answer to my question. REALLY !

This is going to be an on going word of testimony so today I will talk about this part.

When judgement day comes , am I going to be standing there with a bag of excuses ????
Or am I going to be there with fruit ???? The fruit of the Spirit to be more exact.

Staying with my topic of excuses , I pick out this scripture to be my word of testimony today.
Matt 8:22 But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.
The same story but Jesus' statement is said in just a little bit different way , Luke 9:60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.

What excuses have I been using for not running this race as fast as I can ?
I could make this blog really long right now if I were to start listing them.
For sake of time I will make a general observation. What I perceive as a necessity may not be what God perceives as necessity. Today I will be asking God to show me what excuses I have been using and how shall I go about getting rid of them.

The Joy of the LORD is OUR Strength

The word of my testimony today is Neh 8:10 Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for [this] day [is] holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

I have often read the surrounding scriptures to this passage . Their story is similar to mine right now in a lot of ways. I have been asking for understanding . Neh 8:8 So they read in the book in the law of God distinctly, and gave the sense, and caused [them] to understand the reading. I realized worshiping God and praising Him for His goodness precedes the eyes of my heart being opened. Neh 8:6 And Ezra blessed the LORD, the great God. And all the people answered, Amen, Amen, with lifting up their hands: and they bowed their heads, and worshipped the LORD with [their] faces to the ground.

Even as these things were taking place in my life I knew " it " would be coming. The it being a repentance . The word gives an understanding of what repentance looks like . Sometimes the way to get from a life style that does not include the kind of thinking or those kind of actions, is very hard to get to. The people listening to Ezra realized repentance was going to be different than what they had been doing. A sorrow set in , but Ezra realised that they were not going to be able to perform the repentance in a sorrowful , heavy , downcast state. So he encourages them, "yes, "(I believe he was saying.) "Yes, do make a change in your life style . Yes, do apply the understanding you have been given to your lives. However, do it joyfully . For the joy of the LORD is your strength. "

If he said, "the joy of the LORD " was available to them , then it surely is available to me. The old way of thinking that says, "you get joy after you have earned it," does not come from any Bible based line of thought. Now "more" joy , yes, maybe. However, God never expected me to perform a repentance or be joyful because of something I can do on my own. The "joy of my salvation" certainly comes from nothing I have done to earn it. Only receive it.

I have a great desire to extend the same grace and give the same love to others that Christ has given me. This can only happen if I am able to receive it from Him. While I am in process of receiving I turn again and give it out. This seems to make room for more to be given to me.

"Blessed be the LORD. May the joy of the LORD be our strength. "

For Our Example Jesus Washed Feet

The word of my testimony today is 1 Sam 25:41 And she arose, and bowed herself on [her] face to the earth, and said, Behold, [let] thine handmaid [be] a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord.

Today is a day that I seek repentance. Abigal was a woman of understanding. Her understanding not only benefited herself but the lives of many who were under the authority of Nabal. Nabal it seems was not a man who feared God and never gave it a thought to apply God's ways to his life. David however was a different kind of a man. His ways did not always line up with God's ways, but he feared God. Here is a woman with understanding who valiantly went to David and offered him a repentance for her sins. While giving him her repentance she was able to give David light unto his own path and remind him of his God's ways. It was then that David became aware of what a mistake he was about to make and chose instead to fear God and do things God's way.

David continued to make mistakes ,but not every time . He feared God and wanted to apply God's ways to his life but for some reason the way to do this was not always clear to him.

What I find so interesting about David is the people God brought around him. When these people feared God and valiantly applied God's ways to their lives it brought light to David's path and his own repentance was then found.

Today is a day that I seek repentance. Without the light of God showing me that path , I will only be guessing at what repentance looks like. Sometimes following the Spirit feels like a guess , in fact many times . Yet I step out in faith and trust Him to show me if I am going the right way. I fear Him but I also trust Him. My trust is increased as I see the faithfulness of God in David's life to bring people like Abigal .

The Last Are First

My word of testimony today is Matt 20 :12 Saying, These last have wrought [but] one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day.

As the word of my testimony reveals an impartial God , I am becoming more and more appreciative of that characteristic. The more I try to relate correctly to people I see that He has all along been trying to show me the Way to do this. As I try to love with a love like His , I see it will not be mixed with what I want to keep in my flesh. If I want to love like He loves, I have to want to give up all my old ways of coping with life's problems. "All my" two little short words that represent a tip of an ice berg. "Want to " two more short words that I can assuredly say, "He will help me want to."

Fortunately for me , I want to follow the Spirit. So when I recognize that I am not following the Spirit I back up and start again. This backing up feels uncomfortable but I have learned I only have to back up as far as the point that I left off following the Spirit. Then I can go forward again. I can sometimes see hindrances to my following the Spirit and ask the Holy Spirit to help bring my thoughts captive and to the obedience of Christ. However, sometimes I do not wait.

You know , like I feel so proud of myself that I caught that trap before I fell into it , but then I walk right into it. Really reminds me of this scripture Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

The trap that the enemy had laid was a belief system that those who love me , depend on me.
I think the enemy likes it when I believe that about God. If I believe God is depending on me I then feel "important." Problem is , that is not the way God loves. His love can not be based on a "depend on " basis or it would not be the perfect unconditional love that it is. If I want others to be able to love me with a pure love , I can not force them to love me only if I am dependable. I have to let them love me, if they want to , with an unconditional love, they can still love me even if I mess up.

I was thinking about being obedient to God this morning when I saw with a new light how important my motivation for obedience was to God.

My reasoning for being obedient at one time was this idea that God knows what would be best for me. I guess I kind of thought God believed in karma. That if I did right , good would come around for me , so I should trust God to be my karma guide. That idea of course became over thrown when I really understood "grace."

Next my idea for obeying God has been based on a "He is depending upon me " kind of motivation. I saw that He was expecting me to bare fruit , so I guess I thought He was "depending on " that fruit to come forth. Now I see , that is not it either. He has been showing me in His word that all that He has is mine, but like the elder brother in the story of the prodigal son, I just hadn't seen it. Now He is showing me that it is not just for those who work diligently , or long , or without complaining . It is for those who are His sons. That is all, when they become sons doesn't have a bearing on how much they can have done. It is all His to give and it is all that He has, that He wants to give . He is not giving it on any wage scale or time table .

I come to Him and I say, "I'm Your son." He says, "I know , all that I have is yours."

Faith Grace or Grace Faith ?

I found it very helpful to write out the testimony titled The Mind of Christ . Over the course of years I went from being a person unable to drive in any traffic to a person with the mind of Christ who will not say ,"no , I can't go any where ," based on traffic conditions.
My confidence that I could walk in the spirit and not follow my flesh became strengthened when I thankfully read Romans 8 verses one through 15 out loud to God several times. Romans 10:17 says , So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. This holds true for me. When I speak God's word , faith cometh.
I have discovered that my word of testimony blog is not what I had thought it would be.
I thought it would be a way of giving my word of testimony. Actually it is a helpful tool for putting my thoughts together . Just as one does not build a house without some thought , I need to put some thought into how I am to apply God's word to my life.
So I will continue to write out my word of testimony and then read it out loud also.

My word of testimony today is Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

As I read Hebrews 3 and 4 I find Paul is trying to get across the importance of faith. I staggered a long time not understanding grace. Now that I understand it I know that it is not obtainable without faith. What I have been struggling with of late has to do with being able to give grace to others. Yet it had not occurred to me what an impossible task I had set before myself if I were to try to give grace without faith. I can not place my faith in others but I can place my faith in a loving God Who resides on a throne of grace. May I learn to do as Paul and exhort those to whom I wish to give grace. May I live my life out loud in a way that let's them know I have found that throne of grace and He does give mercy and I have found grace to help in time of need.

When Running a Race You Don't Finish Still Counts

My word of testimony today is Rev 3: 8 I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.

I put yesterday's word of testimony on draft and left it. I was looking at how I had not ever accomplished the task that seemed to be set before me today. The task actually includes the word denial , I thought that was interesting . The word of encouragement that came to me this morning was a reminder that the church in Philadelphia were commended for their little strength.

Yesterday I was aware that I had tried to do the task before me , before . Like being asked to run a marathon race and I had never completed the race. I had tried many times. In fact the task at hand does not just have one job description and many of those endeavors I had tried before but gave up or quit because it just seemed like all indications said quit.

Kind of like my facing the giant of fear that was on the freeway in traffic. I had gone out with my word from God ( it is spelled Bible) and tried to handle these problems the way I thought God would want me to. The end result did not seem to show forth much of His glory, I thought, until today. What I do today with a little strength just might bring big results later on. I have a little strength that God had given me to conquer big giants . I can not give up and I have to go out everyday determined to do all for the glory of God .

Just like when I read Rev 12:11 and I say, I will live by the blood of the lamb , and I will live by of the word my testimony , and I will learn to love not my life unto death. I can also say, He knows my works, He has set before me an open door and no man will shut it, I have a little strength and am keeping His word, and I will learn how to not deny His name.